Sometimes you gotta be your own hero.

Hug me. Tell me you love me. Simple words of security would have been better. I don't need anything fancy, I just need security. Sometimes I just need you here. But I can't. We can't.

It saddens me that I came into this point, again that I have to understand that I have to be my own hero.

Nobody will save you JULY this city ain't for the weak. Move it. Head pounding, heart frowning, eyes hurting.

What was that thud?

Somebody fool me?

Love me?

DEAR BOSS. I QUIT.

"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. No, not at all. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” Robert Fulghum


I remember talking with Boss about my resignation way back 2012. He said so many things to at least make me stay but I was eager to start on my own and try pursuing business. That was true, but I honestly failed big time.

Now that I am here in UAE and finally back in the corporate jungle. I have been thinking about - Why some bosses cannot retain their employees? Is it really their fault? I have been contemplating about this cause I want to save up and put up a business again soon after being a corporate slave for approximately 3 years. And I have heard that my favorite boss quits his job in my favorite company. (Toink)

WHY!? WHERE YOU GO? LOL

1. Lack of motivation
Many employers are too much on money making and forgets to build employee dedication and appreciation. Appreciation, be it monetary or verbal. But as a Marketing person who makes the life and blood of the company, incentives from quotas is indeed a motivation. Oh yeah! But really I think some employees feel unappreciated. A pat on the back would do or congratulate that person.

2. TOXIC environment
I think anyone will not settle for any high paying job if the environment is toxic. When I say toxic, there's no system at all! No procedures, No org structure, No protocols = Just do it. Whuut.

3. Communication
Provide constructive feedback to your employees. Talk talk, but do not talk about your personal lives. Feed back isn't about surprising someone with negative comments. Talk and settle one problem to another. Be positive.

4. Bad Managers
Ok the word BAD is too much. But one of my colleagues once said that "You are not leaving because of the job, you're leaving because of your manager". I couldn't get along my first job manager, I didn't like her at all cause I didn't learn anything from her. Everything I know about the job was self taught. She was just sitting in her room and keeps bringing down the morale of the team. Most managers, I think to me are promoted into their role without getting the support they need to develop their leadership skills. BAM! :))

5. No Training Programs
Many organizations hold back on training and development programmes maybe as they fear that their people might leave after they're heavily invested in them. Truth. This might happen. But I guess, one of the main reason that people quit is that they no longer learn anything new.

So, there are so many obvious benefits of retaining employees. But sometimes we have to just "Let it Go" and build a snowman. Jeez. Haha! I hope I made sense.

Write.

I feel really sad. Can't think of anything meaningful to write.

AkosiBERTS

And my book is not yet finished due to my new career (naks). Update, well I am still writing the ending of the story at my mind. I am actually giving myself a deadline that I must finish the book at the end of the year, so that when 2015 comes I'll be able to proofread it and write a pre-sequel. The book will cover OFWs, LGBTs, love and friendship. 

I am now a Maintenance Coordinator at a Power and Maintenance Solutions company. The only thing I don't like about the job is that I "might" report on duty on mid shift and night shift. So this Idiot who hired me has no consideration at all for the mode of transportation that I have. Anway, I don't care about him I just can't afford quitting now. I am not staying in this land forever anyway, might as well strive for the job and think of the future that awaits for me (Money on my mind - I do it for ze love - Sam Smith).

What I am doing today is quite far from what I have been doing in the past. I know I have been making patterns about the past. But lately, past is just ughh BS. And it's suppose to teach you to live in the future. What I have learned so far is not to let the past consume the life you're supposed to be living. I am letting life unfold according to His will, I know he will give me something in His perfect time. I am not writing this because I am giving up on writing or I have given up on dreaming. I am just stronger than before. I thank God for the answered prayers. I am not giving up on this dream.

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July Veranga - not her full name was born the 7th of July. Her Jersey number as a basketball player was 4 because people say when she enters the court it feels like the 4th of July. An ultimate Mommy's girl/boy. Upon growing up she just wanted to be a happy hair stylist and thought of becoming a writer but she never joined any writing contest and ends up studying marketing. After graduating she became interested in sales. Got her heart broken and went to Dubai for a new perspective. And when she failed at almost everything she finally decides to follow her heart by doing acting lessons, studying pastry arts and finally decides to become a writer.

I want this at the back of my first book.

#motivationmotivationmotivation

Dreams About Teeth Falling

I have been dreaming about my teeth falling these past few days and Google is such a great portal to be informed about my dream interpretation. I have dreamt of my teeth falling and rotting constantly.

 

So basically when I was reading one article from one website after another, I generally realized that I am again over thinking about everything. It is normal cause I am not getting any younger and I still feel like my mental age is still 18. I am not really like this - I could point out that maybe it is because I grew up facing hard situations and diverting it into a slow paced okay results. But I am just a walking ambassador of positive vibes. I always have smart and easy way to get out of a hard situation or any situation. Well for some it sounded stubborn-ish, but really I am just saying that I have smarter ways than any other genius could do. Like to me, there will always be a smarter solution into a difficult problem. You lose, you win.

I wanna be lost.

But maybe this dream is just a phase in my life that saying "Live and face your fears".  Dreaming about this could also mean that something is happening in my present life that needs to be focused on. Thus I am very sensitive in my own development; am I growing? experiences? challenges? am I even pushing beyond my usual limits and discover new things or ways?

 

I am the captain of my life. Upon weighing the dream meanings in both positive and negative sides. I have been asking myself. What do I feel? 

I feel anxious. I wanna go home. I feel sad. I feel home sick. I am bored. I feel old. I need more money. I got hired. WEE (undertones). I miss my gf. I miss mom. I miss ati. I miss Pixie. I miss my old dad. I miss my friends. I miss ze Philippines. I hate the Philippines. Haha. I am hungry. I feel sad. I want crispy pata. Gusto ko tumaya sa lotto. Mananalo ako sa LOTTO!

There goes my interpretation. :)) 

One step "atat" time kasi Jul. LOL

SOA

Rewind last February, a friend told me to watch this movie. She actually went wild sharing her thoughts about the movie. She was also sharing about her true love, how hard it was to move on and that guy will always have a place in her heart. Anyway the movie wasn't so tacky at all. The actors and actresses were great.

Except for the looks, ha. I felt I was like Piolo on the crushed/loser part of the story. There will always be this one ex you loved so much that letting it go would be like letting go of your life as well.

"I almost died, and everyday I wished I did" Ok that line hurt me.

On the other hand, Toni was ambitious. I am not really ambitious. Toni left Piolo. It took four years for Piolo (Marco) to get restoration and success. It was a great movie to ponder on. The movie was a feast of honesty for my dying motivation. It has been a year and a half, I am still a trash in my own wrath. I felt the urge of feeling guilty having to watch the movie with my gf. It was somehow patterned with me. Except for the ala Toni coming back for Piolo, na uh, I don't she's ever coming back(Me and my Ex).

History vs Today. Do not worry about the people in your past, there is a reason why they didn't make it in your future. But just like any other human beings, you just can't help flipping the old pages of past.

Quotable line "My love is greater than your fears".

Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray hard that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.. =)

Remember, we do not lose by loving, we only lose by not learning from our mistakes.

It's Okay to be selfish

Never forget who was there with you when no one else was.

If you are saying YES to others make sure you are not saying NO to yourself(Paulo Coelho).

-----

I forgot who was I talking to but he/she said that when you are lacking or you want something, you should give to others. That way the favor would be returned to you. The science or logic of this would be like you are sending a message to the universe to be able to receive future abundance. If you are spiritual, you'd rather explain this issue in the most biblical manner like saying that God hears everything and he will surely give you something in return soon. Just pray.

Sure it feels good to help. I love to help and sometimes it make me feel plentiful and grateful for the things I have.

So, I am a nice person (been working on being less nice). People ask me for things a lot. Regardless on how the request is or how busy I am. Just a mere fact that it has been asked of me, I feel obligated and obliged to drop anything and help. This sickness, this comes a high price of my own depletion and self neglect. Sometimes I feel like I could've been a doctor or a nurse cause I care a lot and I tend to forget about myself.

I am never afraid to help. In fact I'd love to help as long as I can. Except on monetary issues. I will help you in anything but I won't and I can't lend money(My golden rule). I guess I learned a lot from my father who loves to "help" and lend money. Because he always ends up scratching his scalp for not getting anything in return. Okay, he's out of the story, the thing here is. I just don't like lending money. Money to me is such an evil thing. It ruins everyone in any aspect.

I can help others by giving donations, advises, opinions and time. I make sure I wont step in anyone's foot. I try to joke around, make things comical cause I believe in happiness is the best medicine. When I help people I make sure they wont abuse that kindness I give. That's why I limit my friends. I limit expectations, attachments and care.

All in all, I just happen to find out that I am going through a phase where my foundation is a bit unstable, and I have to be selfish and get myself stabilized before I can assist others. I am trying to think clearly how my do-not-help-anyone policy fit into this "it's okay to be selfish". Oh yes, I am not gonna move. I'm going to be selfish, and say no if I need to.

Do I make any sense? I don't care. Jeez.