Nescafe.

I couldn't sleep last night, I finally had the courage to fix my luggage back to Dubai. But hindi ko natapos cause I ended up crying. Dubai, the land where I hibernated and looked for a better self. Control your emotions self. I tell myself again and again. I would bend my knees and hear a quick double snap. My poor injured knees. Hello hang in there. 

I am wearing my partner's earphones while writing this entry. BTW I was informed that these life savers are very durable, these earphones has been with her for a couple of years. I love it, at the same time I fear that she might be upset with me if I break these life savers.
 
Anyway keep reading. I am still anxious about the future. I used to fear being alone and taking care of my future nephews/nieces (shuhada - btw my sister is preggy naaa! yay!). In the past I have failed a couple of times in relationships. I admit I lost myself. I let myself embrace and linger loneliness. It took a lot of time to heal, a lot of prayers, restoration. During the darkest phase of my life I felt both my body and spirit were dead. I was empty, broken and desperate for change. I almost died(Starting over again line - jeez). I remember those drunken nights and restless days, wasted job opportunity/ies. I can still recall how monstrous I was. Today I find it funny. Reminiscing could be good sometimes to think how far you have become from self hate. But my faith led me to hers. I met her everything changed. Surprisingly, I thought I was never capable of falling again.

So starting tomorrow, I only have 14 days left here in Manila. Three months passed, I don't regret every risk I let go. I feel like I am made for her. Yes we do have a lot of differences, but we are crazy about each other. Now I have been asking myself lately, why leave? Para kanino ka nga ba gumigising?