Alarming?

By accident I wrote akosibert in google, forgetting the to type the letter s. What the heck, lo and behold may akosibert,blogspot! Also there's a twitter user named @akosibert - just wanna say that I don't know them and they are not affiliated with my blog. I also think that they are not the same person as well. Bleh

I do have a twitter account @bertsurdaneta - I rarely use it now.


So there goes my alarming new... *tvpatrol sounds *cue in music

Berting Tries Yoga

There was a time my sister offered to pay my pilates / yoga class for me to improve on my back pains and posture. I declined and I said it was only a fad. I think that was 8 years ago. I honestly thought Yoga is made for older people. I felt like Yoga was a lesser stage of ballroom trend.*would this mean I am old now. lol 

Well I could've listened to her. Cause I am so in love now with Yoga now. To think I just started Yoga class last monday.

I couldn't believe I enjoyed Yoga. I am having my Yoga classes at Fitness First by the way. I am a member in Sahara Mall, but I take Yoga classes in Burjuman Mall. Yoga classes in Sahara mall are most of the time scheduled in the morning. Obviously, I can't. Anyway, I felt scared with my Yoga instructor at first. Her name was Fran Diaz(proud to be Pinay), when I saw her I thought she was latina but when she was on stage. Ha! Kabayan pala siya. She is quite strict but she's really good. I think I was able to catch up as a beginner. I didn't understand the people who went out of her class cause she was really amazing. At the latter part of her session, she made us lie on our mats and she was saying things that made me really calm. As if I was in another dimension and problems were unnecessary. Unfortunately I wasn't able to take her class last night. 

On the other hand - I tried Hatha Yoga with Munish. I wasn't able to see his profile on the schedule board, maybe he was new. He was a little boring maybe because he didn't use any music. But he was assisting everyone's posture. With his class I couldn't believe I stretched my whole body. There was also a lady behind me who tried to lean backwards - she farted two times. I was smirking silently. I don't want to cause a scene. In fairness there was no smell. I think she sniffed everything before everyone else smells her bomb. LOL. But I feel great afterwards. 

Imagine, just 2 Yoga sessions. I love it. Looking forward for more benefits of Yoga. 

*wink 

Worth it

Yesterday, I read this article about "some people are just aren't worth it anymore". I felt like there was a blade slicing my heart and someone was pouring lime juice on it. Pucha ansakit noh?

I helped a lot of people who did not deserve my help. I listened to the people who did not deserve my time. I fought for them, I covered them from harm. I tried to be the best for them. I tried to please them, which was totally wrong. I am not mad at them, like I always say, things change, people change. Yet I still chose to be the forgiving person. In other words, I have been used, I have been taken for granted, I have been left out. It was my fault. 

Now, I will find time to find my own happiness.. I will enjoy doing things alone. Cause I am worth it. :) 

Day dreaming in my dream

Darn. I am 32, single and nothing new on me. Everybody is married, some have kids. Some where converted gay to straight and vice versa. But at least I got my own definition of success, I have my own business.

I got lot's of dates. I dated a man the other day, stopped messaging him cause he is a control freak. I hate being controlled. I met a single lady the other day, she was motherly, it is because she has kids already. A single mom. No. Phone kept ringing. I am so done with dates,

Another day at my shop, cleaning, scrubbing the sides of my favorite machine. The pos machine. Where it contains my money. Money is the only thing that makes me happy right now. Pay day is the nightmare of my month. Chimes rang. Someone's inside my shop.

I saw you again, you were wearing that weird patterned sleeveless. Blue shorts, hair wavy, pulled down. She gave me that happy smile. It was damn infectious, I tried not to smile back. I tried to contain the happiness, Like I always do. I shrugged and tried not to act jumpy. I inserted my hands on my pockets. 

When I turned around she kissed me. We both said "I love you". I tried to say "Remember who said it first". There were tears on my face, I didn't expect those tears to fall down. I stared at her and her changes. She looked really pretty. I am so happy to see her. 

She kept on kissing me. She wouldn't let me finish a sentence. I breathe her air, it gave me butterflies. It was my wife. I was dreaming. I was day dreaming again. I am 32, married with 3 kids. The man I dated was my control freak Dad and the single mom I dated was my best friend. 

Anyare paps?

Dear Brother,

Whatever happened to you?

I suddenly thought about you when I took time to look at your facebook account, I admit I was a bit scared of what your are posting. And boy you post too much, I am not asking you to stop posting, instead, have a little time to think before you post, please do not get me wrong. I care, if only I could see you now and talk to you. Try to make things a little lighter. I am not sure what your motives are, but I guess you are in pain. You know better than me, life isn't suppose to be draggy. But I pray for you to forgive the people who hurt you and just move on. Just let it go. It is not a cake walk but as a friend, I'll help you crash and burn. If only I have the guts to send you this letter. #facepalm


Berting

My Struggles in UAE

First of all. I don't want my blog to be blocked because I will be very detailed with my struggles here in UAE. I will also tackle sensitive issues. Just read behind the lines. Haha! 

1. I used to have a very short hair, I looked very tomboy when I arrived here way back 2012. Me staying here was unexpected and I was lucky enough to be sponsored by my mother - which would mean I am holding a residence visa under her name and there's no struggle for me to look for a job to be a legal alien in this country(uae) and have an employees visa. Looking for a job was one of the hardest thing I ever did. Being Gay or Lesbian is not really tolerable here. In my opinion you have to set aside the real you in the corporate world. So, PLM(People like me ) should try to practice wearing pearls and make up(just apply make up a little). Try to also practice wearing skirts and dresses. 

*I see some lgbts here but they try to keep it discreet, no loud gay barks, I suppose. 

2. Bathroom confusion - it happened a lot of times even in my own country. I try not to look at peoples eyes coming inside the ladies toilet. I feel uncomfortable being looked at. I hate being asked to go on the male bathroom.

3. Train cabin confusion - in RTA trains it is strictly prohibited for men to stay on he 2nd and 3rd cabin, these cabins are for ladies only cabin. I was once asked to move away to the 3rd cabin. But I was wearing a hoodie. Jeez. So I removed my hoody and nod. *babae pa rin ako! #lol 

3. I came here with a limited amount of money - it is good to have my mother around but as an adult you feel shy and disappointed asking for money and seeing your old friends in FB get to have their dream jobs, their dream shoes. You see them getting engaged and married. In short I was very insecure. My dear, do not look at other's blessings instead count your blessings and be grateful. Everyone has their own struggles. Never ever ever compare.

4. Where to broken hearts go? in DUBAI! Indeed. I went here to move on from an ex, it is true that time heals. In Dubai, I learned that this city aint for the weak. It is a city of challenges and survival. Competition, experience and pride. Love yourself and invest on yourself, take gym lessons, classes to improve your skills, join a dance club. BTW, I joined into a ballroom dance org, do not ask. It was fun.  #facepalm 

5.You feel very sad seeing old friends get together in FB. Bwiset. It makes me sad to see my college friends get together, you wish to see a space in their photos, oh I could've been there or they could've called me in skype at least I get a spot there. *sobs  

6. When you go out on short walks to buy groceries - at walang TRICYCLE! Demmet it is so hot in here - especially in Ramadhan. On the other hand it is too cold in Ber months. My goodness gracious. Plus for example you need only one band-aid, you buy the whole box! *walang tinge or small box - jeez. Filipino foods are often found in groceries, but the taste is quite different. Then you'll feel home sick. *sobs  

7. SAND STORMS - I am always allergic to dust. Prepare your antihistamine, goggles and hanky. Dubai has a tropical desert climate - summers are extremely hot and humid. Whenever there's a climate change from summer to winter or vice versa I get really - really sick. 

8. When you get sick - you need a medical certificate for work and it cost 60Aed(I usually ask the doctor to give me 3 days rest to maximize the fee of 20Aed per day). Here in Dubai - they have their own system generated medical certificate. Unlike in the Philippines - the doctors just write the medical certificates in a paper. Plus if you are on a budget and you get sick - consultation would cost around 100aed. With a total of 160AED, no medicines yet. So if you are looking for a job here in Dubai, please aim for a company that provides a health card. 

9. When you are ill and bedridden you wish someone would take care of you. Mother is of course at work.  But you just wish that one significant other would look after you. But no. I have also been in a phase where I had to pull myself and buy food and panadol. *self pity *sobs 

10. You feel really scared with police presence - even if they are just standing in one corner of a metro station.

11. Your birthday feels like an ordinary day. Everyone greets you in FB on 12MN UAE time just to greet you. After the last greeting, you will go back on your routine in your life abroad as a corporate slave. *tragic 

12. There was a time I questioned my faith, and I found myself reading the bible and praying the rosary. Praying is never corny. God knows when to say yes. :) Just wait and he will give your hearts desires. 

13. I had no idea when to come home - because there were no reasons to come home before. haha! 

13. When I miss my adorable dogs - Sam(RIP) and Pixie

14. When you are so thirsty and you cannot eat or drink outside in RAMADHAN! 

15. When somebody borrows money to you - I feel obligated but I never lend money more than 50aed. 

16. You miss your partner's Birthday and first anniversary. But I am glad she is till with me, :) :) :) 

 

17. Apparently want something that cannot be bought here in Dubai from Manila. This is such a nightmare. 

18. There is no unlit txt and calls from Etisalat and Du. I am an Etisalat user by the way, they friggin deduct your load automatically. 

19. Damn, language barrier. I can not understand Indian accent sometimes. They talk to fast, and I just have to look at their lips which gives them the wrong signals. *facepalm

20. People think of me as a fresh graduate. I look young, maybe because I am asian? mehh, I hate it. I demand respect. haha! 

Tomorrow is another day in this city, another set of struggles to meet. I know I have yet to fulfill the things that brought me here. If God would gave me a choice where I would wan't to be now, I will still chose to live abroad. I am very lucky I have my mother with me. Unlike the other ofws here who struggle working here to provide money for their families. On the other hand it is no joke being away from my family and friends left in the Philippines.

Feeling tired

I ran to catch the last train to etisalat, I was able to enter the male cabin, panting, gasping for air, I couldn't breath normally cause I smell bad pungent. A bunch of men staring at me as I lose my breath, not even one gentleman offered me a seat. I guess all of us are tired. Chivalry is so damn dead. As I stand close to them, hoping the next few minutes one of them could offer me a seat, I saw myself reflecting into the mirror. I see a quite different me, quite different. I imagined seeing myself 9 years ago, meeting my current self inside the trains. Have you been working? How are you? I couldn't answer her. I felt bad. The heck is wrong with me. I didn't notice 4 stations already passed, no gentleman offered their seats. I looked on my left and there was a seat.

"I feel really lonely, I could die."