Euphoria

Well, what was that all about?

I just wanted a friend who has

The same wavelengths as I have.

I have been adjusting, fussing, and missing someone

Who can at least understand the level of my thoughts?   

 

Welcome to the sandpit, miss.

Cherished every moment,

For these do not come often.

As I looked her in the eyes.

I cannot be, drowning in a pool of emotions.

 

I kept floating, feeling intoxicated.

Familiarizing the feelings I try to hide.

Suddenly, Euphoria filled my lungs,

Shrugged my fondness towards her.

I was satiated, nervous. The more I doubt, the more

I realize she will leave me ravenous, and craving.

 

Now reality sinks in

Separated by thousand miles.

I’m not hers, & definitely, she’s not mine.

I am not her even her first, second, or third.

Yet what would I do to have another day with her?

Another day to pretend she is mine and I am hers. 

Cause It felt better than coffee or tea in the morning.

Such a wakeful unrequited love. 

ANOHHH?!

Dalawang beses ko lang naisipan ikasal, dalawang beses equates sa dalawang tao. Pilit kong iniintindi kung bakit. Bakit sila talaga ung naisip ko. It took me days to reflect. So eto na talaga ung mga taong GINUSTO ko mapasaken. Like ginusto ko maging akin lang... #facepalm

Hindi ko na rin maintindihan dahil na rin siguro sa bugso ng damdamin. Ung unang taong ginusto ko talagang pakasalan ay isa sa mga ex ko. Well ung pangatlong ex ko, unfortunately. Hindi ko kinaya ang pagsubok na hinarap namen. Partly its not all on me, maybe, kasi it was a long distance relationship. Mahirap mag kaintindihan, at hindi ma align ang objectives sa buhay, so paiklien na lang naten. Irreconcilable difference. bwaahaha! 

Me bwan na naiisip ko siya, lalo na nung Miss U. Feeling ko kasi hawig niya si MS Michelle Dee. hahah! illusyon ko nga naman. Pangarap ko kasi mag ka beauty queen na gf. hahahah! Kamusta na kaya siya. Kaso para ano pa? mukha naman na siyang masaya. Gustong gusto siya ng daddy ko. OMG, sobra pa sa higit. Maybe siya kasi ung unang gf ko na formal kong pinakilala as GF. Nung panahong kami, masaya ako, pero nakakapikon ung dahilang biglang me "pero". 

Nagpropose ako sa paraang alam kong hindi niya ako hihindian, hahaha kaming dalawa lang ang nakakaalam non. Nasakanya pa nga ung ring. OMG oo naubos halos ang ipon ko nun college para doon. Kasi balak ko ibigay sa isang deserving na tao. Deserving naman siya nun panahon na yun. Kaso hindi talaga eh... Cancers like me we nurture things. We care a lot. Kaso sumobra ung pagka Virgo niya. Hindi ko kinaya ung pressure sa pag intindi. Pinagdarasal ko pa din siya. Kung asan man siya sana asa magandang kinalalagyan na siya. Sana pag nakasalubong ko siya, wala nang sakit ung makita ko sa mga mata niya. Di ko alam kung gusto pa ni lord na magkabalikan kami. Pero sige bahala na si universe. 

Ito ung pinaka malala. Shuta. Ung pangalawang gusto kong pakasalan. Hindi ko ex. Hindi ko close. Hindi ko kaklasi nun college. Pero same batch nun college. We know a couple of friends na connected. I was able to dig deeper on what she wants in life, gusto ko ung mindset niya. But Sagittarius siya, another fire sign. Adventurous not really homey like me. Pero ang weird, hindi ko gusto ung pala murang tao, pero sknya, natatawa na lang ako. The way she carried herself was simply, cute and amazing. Natulala na lang ako. Gusto ko ilabas ung binili kong engagement ring nung kinukunan ko siya ng litrato sa may wings of mexico. Extrovert siya, ako me pagka introvert. Opposites attract ba talaga, I tried to doubt myself a lot of times. I tried so bad, pero ung guilt na may gf  na ako, at siya.. :( 

Bakit ngyon lang kasi siya dumating? So eto, haha masakit, but party lang. Pwede ba yong, basta ko na lang naramdaman. Basta siya gusto ko. So bahala nanaman si universe. 

ANOHHH?! 

Wings of Mexico, I miss you.

It was a very sunny afternoon.

Click click, the sound I heard when I accidentally bump her arm. I felt a soft pinch, I felt happy, I suddenly joked, "May chemistry?" and I felt and heard the clicking sound again. Like cupid was making its way into my heart, slowly, surely. It felt so good. I shyly ignored how it felt and smiled on the floor. What was that, self? I cannot be, I cannot, ugh, even get myself to stop thinking about it, no, her.

Static electricity is the result of an imbalance between negative and positive charges in an “object”. These charges can build up on the surface of an object until they find a way to be released or discharged.

I do know that I may not be a renowned director, a daughter of a rich politician, or even a politician, I know I am a little introvert; I may not be significant enough to stand out. But, one part of me is not giving up on that hope that maybe, just a tiny hope that someday, she’ll get to think of me again and message me to meet up and say “shutacca, let’s get married already”.

I have lost my mind and this is new to me.

How sweet and painful it is to like someone who cannot be yours

Healing for everyone!

 May we heal from things we don’t speak about

This line has been hanging in my head for quite some time. Realized that my 2021 until now is a healing year.

Healing, from a narcissistic person. Healing from all the pain she brought to me and my family. Healing from the crying and cheating she did. Accepting the fact that she wasn’t a human as all. Deciding not to speak, or hear a sound about it. Until now, my heart believes she was not even a she, or a pronoun. That was the most devastating experience I ever had. I still pray, hard, to forgive myself and her. Besides, we are all human.

Some of you might think that I am not over this person, no, you are truly wrong. This kind of healing is tough and hard, it involves a to of psycho therapies and medicines. I am proud that I am able to speak about my mental condition.  Nonetheless, I am so happy to walk through it all with the new love of my life. I am so grateful for all the love and care she gives me.

So glad that my current partner is the most loving and caring person. I hope she is the one. May we all find someone who is good for our souls. Someone who is kind. Who is loving and contented?

And now that I am 34, I can't believe this. I thank god for another chance, another life. May he grant me more love and forgiveness in life. Like my favorite hero in ML, Rafaela: Healing for everyone! 

BACK OFF

Ngayon ko lang naalala na may personal blog ako. Buti naalaa ko ito buksan ngayong at naisipang mag-sulat muli. Sayang naman to kung hindi ko magamit itong blog ko na nagsilbing saksi sa lahat ng aking pinagdaanan at pinagdaraanan. 

Me napuna kasi akong litrato sa linkedin, na naisipan kong isiwalat sa blog ko. Although hindi naman ito sinabi ng aking ama, it mattered to me. Kaya pala...

Kaya pala hindi ka makatulog na maayos gabi-gabi, maliban sa hikbi at hilik ko gabi gabi na nirarason mo kaya hindi ka makatulog. Ayan, karma mo pala iyon sa lahat ng ninakawan mo ng pera, oras, tiwala at pag-ibig. Dika talaga tao. Scammer ka, Kahit ilang beses ko isipin ang mga mabubuti mong gnawa, pero meron nga ba? Demonyo ka. Wala kang puso. Pag-kat sarili mo lang ang iniisip mo. Galing na galing ka sa sarili mo ano? Alam ko pinangako kong wala ka nang maririnig saaken, last na talaga ito. So "back off"... Wag kang pretentious, kala mo naman hahabulen kita, ganda ka?

At bakit ako babalik sa taong dahilan ng aking pagkaka-dapa? Ang bobo ko naman kung babalikan kita. Masaya na ako at wag mo ako idadamay sa miserable mong buhay. 

BACK OFF.

You choose?

Are you vaccinated or not? no schedule yet, sure, too busy. I respect that, yeah, you are unvaccinated, yet. But I wish we all understand how important it is to be vaccinated. I am vaccinated and you should respect that too. I’m certainly not vaccinated to please anyone. Below are my reasons why I am vaccinated.

·        My mom died because of covid

·        To protect the rest of my family, friends and community                                                                                                                                                                        

·        I do not want to occupy a hospital bed when others are sick or injured

·        This is to minimize the effects of COVID-19 on my body, fact that I was positive 2 times.

·        To help our healthcare workers our heroes at this time

·        To help get our country back to what it was and the whole world

 

And yes, I don’t know what is in this vaccine, or every other vaccine I have had - Vaccines I ‘had’ to have feel safe in my workplace, and to travel around the city whilst everything seemed to be normal. But I do know the vaccines helped most people as we are fighting something we cannot control, science is giving us a weapon.

Is it perfect? Not sure. But then neither are most medications. Have you ever read the possible side effects pamphlet inside your medication? Scary. But choosing to be vaccinated is better. So please be safe.

Life is short, very short ❤ ️

9 years ago, not to long ago. (Never Had A Dream Come True)

This is one of those songs that no matter what I'm doing and I suddenly hear this song. It brings me back to my past lover and it drowns me in every other second. If you can really relate to this song, you may know what I'm talking about. “A part of me will always be with you”.

Araycu nemen.

This is for someone that changed your life forever. This person is probably still with you or they went away but it's saying that you'll always be a part of them and they'll always be in your heart. Even though you pray that you'll someday get over them because you know you have to, you just can't and you wonder why. You might end up marrying someone else or meeting someone else, but this person will always be your true love and you'll always think of them. And sometimes you can’t help but compare their love with the one that you are with now.  But what's the point of thinking about how it could have been? Yeah right….

So if you love someone and you haven't told them yet, perhaps it's best that you let them know how you feel. If you lose an opportunity, you might lose a lot.

This is quite depressing but I think if you were to sing it to someone special, it would be very romantic.

After all you still cherish and keep the memories that you had. Nothing beats the greatest love.  

Never Had A Dream Come True

SCLUB7

Everybody's got something

They had to leave behind

One regret from yesterday

That just seems to grow with time

There's no use looking back, or wondering

How it could be now or might've been

All this I know

But still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true

'Til the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say

You're the one I think about each day

And I know no matter where life takes me to

A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory

I've lost all sense of time

And tomorrow can never be

'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind

There's no use looking back, oh wondering

How it should been, now oh might've been

All this I know

But, still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true

'Til the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say

You're the one I think about each day

And I know no matter where life takes me to

A part of me will always be with you

You'll always be the dream that fills my head

Yes you will

Say you will

You know you will oh baby

You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget

There's no use looking back, oh wondering

Because love is a strange and funny thing

No matter how hard I try and try

I just can't say good bye

No no no no

I never had a dream come true

'Til the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say

You're the one I think about each day

And I know no matter where life takes me to

A part of me will always be with you