Julalay

Last year, well last December, I was cleaning my stuff at home. I saw this small pink letter. It was a letter from my all time crush, aminado na mga teh. 💪🏼😂 

So yeah, she said she will come to Baguio with me. It was an inside joke. Kami lang nakakaalam non. This was our world. 

When I first saw her, we were second year, she was with a friend studying in OLC. I felt stupid, looking at her from a far. Sakanya ko unang na experience yung love at first sighs este sight. Well in this case, ako lang nafall. I don’t think, nagustuhan niya din ako, that time.

Eventually, we became friends. She’s too pretty, guys and girls would always chase her and I was just a baller who studies if I need to. She was crazy, we used to talk in YM. Magsesend siya ng annoying stickers and mangangamusta pa yan. She was the complete package of everything I wanted in a girl. Top of the class, outstanding in everything, haha mayamang probinsyana! 😂 She also sings pala, oh I am such a fool for singers. I always dreamt of having a life time partner who sings.

Come 4th year college, she invited me to be her groupmate in our strama finals. Di ko akalaen na aayaen niya ko, so ayon, bakit ako? Hindi ko alam, of all the smart asses in BA. Haha!

It was so hard to hide my feelings for this lad every time I went to her condo to work on our strama. Pakahirap. I was also in a loving relationship that time. When I look at her, I felt the urge of being better. Ganon yon diba, nakakainspire, nakakahiya pumalpak. Pero iba ung guilt kasi may gf ako non. I wonder if nainis siya nun nalaman niya may gf ako. But ako lang siguro nagiisip non. Focus lang kami sa finals noon and guess what! We got the best strama award. 

Then napaisip ako, what if, nasabi ko sa kanya ung mga hindi ko nasabi? Like...

“Karleng, I have loved you hopelessly for years, I chose to be a friend and not a lover. But by any chance, for my sanity lang, papasa ba ako sayo? I mean noon?..” sabay tawa... Maybe, she would say, Yes. Abay punyeta. Why like this. 

What if, tinawagan ko siya out of nowhere and said halika let’s runaway and lets go north, Baguio it is. What if? May load ako pantawag sa smart line niya noon, Diba? Baka hindi niya piniling mawala sa mundo. Ansaya siguro noh? Araw araw kaming laugh-trip then may kilig. Buhay pa siguro siya, kasi korni daw ako. Susme. Tawang tawa kaya siya saken parati. 

Itong grad pic na to, we were together when we collected our grad pic. Dinumog lang naman siya ng mga blockmates niya, at nung nakita ko na iisa na lang ang natira. Kinuha ko agad, natawa siya, wala nang natira sakanya, para siyang naholdap. Tumakbo ako kasi baka bawien pa. Di ko sure kung nabigyan ko siya, kasi naubos din ung saken. 😂

Kung naging kami kaya, would I still be holding her hand? We’d be invincible siguro. She will be a great singer and I’ll be the road manager, wed be secret lovers. 

Or maybe, we just got married and we plan to have kids in Canada, tapos reside na din doon. She would be a finance director in some bank and I would be the business woman/actress/writer I have always wanted to be.... I think we make a good powerful couple. 

Well, maybe, just maybe, in another life, my Karleng. Imagination na lang muna, hanggang pangarap na lang tong nafefeel ko sakanya. She was my, the one that got away. She will always have a special place in my heart. 

So ayon, it has been 11 years since I last saw her. Nakakakilig pa din isipin yung mga funny times. Hay nako. Karleng. Anlakas mo din kmain. Pero, hnm. Pakiss. I love you. ❤️ Meet mo MOM ko she’s in heaven too. Kantahan mo siya ples. Halo ni Beyonce ha.