Don't Panic in Public.

Tried my best not to panic in public yesterday. 

So let me tell you how it feels to worry all the time. It is as if your are trapped. Your heart will beat fast, you will feel numb, you begin to sweat, the taste of metal lingering your palate, you can’t hear anything and you shiver in fear. Suddenly you don’t know that you’re holding back your tears from falling, but they are falling. You look down on the floor immediately, you feel like everyone is judging you at that moment. You cover yourself in shame. You feel like people are watching you lose a game. You anticipate that someone will help you win and eventually they abuse your kindness and leave you in the end. You feel like people are making fun of your innocence. Witnessing and enjoying how weak you are. 

And somehow you wish that you didn’t care at all so you wont get to think if you’re good enough or not. Everyday is exhausting trying to feel stronger than I feel. You breathe harder, as if there was a claw stuck in your chest. You do your level best to think of happy thoughts, you try hard to think and recall of the people who loves you and cares for you dearly. 

You tell yourself that it will pass, maybe not immediately but you know it will pass. Right know I have feelings I don’t like. This will be over, soon. Better days are coming. I am enough and grateful. 💪🏼 I forgive myself. I deserve to be happy. #strength #labanberting #fightinganxietyeveryday