When someone betrays you.

It is a reflection of their own character. People characterize other people by their actions.

Today I realized, that someone so close to me, transformed into someone I could hate. I sat and watched this "show" a couple of times now, and maybe, I am still waiting for it to return to its original state. I might be indenial as I ignore the facts. Anyhow, I am getting annoyed now. I can take a joke, but I do not like is disrespect disguised by a joke.

Just because youre in "it" now, youre too cool enough to do whatever you want? GANON? whatever happened to brotherhood. Did you ever thought that you might hurt other people?

I am caught in between ignoring your full existence or punching your face to make you land on earth. Laki na ng ulo mo. Id rather ignore you for now. So go on and live your lie. If i were you I wouldnt live in yout truth either.

#talkshit #ivalueloyalty

Anyare.

So what happened? Somebody asked.

I could’ve stayed as a friend. I spent 3 years, with her and as far as I can remember I have failed to choose her every day. I could’ve not let myself fall for her. I have read this quote that you deserve a love that speaks to your soul, I mean a love that feels like home and then that thought escalated to – there will come a time that you’ll wonder if there was someone who has really made to love you, better.

To be brutally honest, I never thought of having someone else but her. I was purely in love with her flaws and imperfections. I settled everything with her, that I will have a family with her. I will have kids with her. However, every time we fight, she will always have the final say and she would always say that there will be someone else better than her. So I can definitely shut our relationship. Her tone, when upset, would always be, 90% of her insecurity and 10% is all about how she can wash her hands when she was really the one to be blamed.

She would always want me to choose her, even if she was the one causing the stress and drama to us. She would always find ways to make my success a dreadful feeling. It was always really, negative and too toxic. It was damn hard to love her in long distance.

I would always decline the accusations that there is no one that I am interested of. Until one day I realized. She might be right, it was a fool’s task, daily for me to fight hard for her and make myself stay with her. I can’t remember when or how, but there was a time I cried myself to sleep and I was only occupied on myself. I did want to be with her, I really wanted to choose her, but months passed I started to choose her, less. But I still stayed.

I am always grateful for the companionship. I had dreams. Etc laughter and all. It was obvious that she became reserved. Which I always felt that I do not deserve. I also noticed that I can’t be me when I am with her. I do not understand if it was immaturity of me or she’s too matured for me. Until there was a friend, who seemed to enlightened me, who seemed to love me as I am. She showed me that I was not to be blamed in our messy relationship. It was so easy to be with her She gave me the attention I never had with Ms 3 years. I can be me with her, we hare the shame jokes and puns. We share issues without any hesitation. There was no sugar coating. I was the priority.

HOWEVER. That friend. Wasn’t really in love with me. She didn’t choose me. She was immature in some areas of her life. It was too complicated with her. I guess it was meant to be broken. It made me ask myself.

Why Am I choosing my partner today? if we cannot find any answer, we dig deeper, we all have our disconnected and sumpong days. If the heart says, I just freaking do. Then stay and be happy. But do not let anyone, lead you into something that they cannot commit. Do not ever stay because you feel like nobody can ever love you anymore. Do not also, never ever, beg someone who doesn’t see your worth.

To summarize it all. I hope we all find our happiness. Because I know. I have.

Hiatus (HI YAH TUS)

I love and hate you at the same time. I am extremely grateful for the good times, I have met bad and great team mates. Team mates who became my brothers. I am extremely grateful for the injuries you gave me I think that humbled me, that led me to a realization to stick and stay on the ground. I have to let you go, finally, because I learned that theres more to life.

Leaving you made me better on things that I thought I couldnt. Thank you for being a part of me. The decision is not easy for me. It has proven tough for me, physically, mentally.

Even though my mind wants to do it, the limits of my body have prevented me to maintain and play at a consistent high level as I always expect from myself. Especially the last two years have been very difficult for me with recurring injuries and back pains. Need to lose weight too. 😂😣

Thank you... 🏀 

But the mind wins this time. It is time to let you go, again.

Bbye basketball at least for now, 2020.

See you maybe in 2021.

LET ME DRINK, my COFFEE.

It has been two days, since I started bringing my own sachet of coffee. I started doing this since, I noticed I am not able to finish a cup of coffee in the morning. I came in the office by 630 AM, since we have new timings. Those who come to work at 8am can go home by 5pm.
Isn’t that great! More time with my loved ones and cats!

I started fixing my desk, browsing some mails and unpacking ze lunchbox of mine; brought my food in the pantry, placed it in the fridge. So I saw MR HR from a far, I did not make any "EYE CONTACT". Although there were other human beings in the pantry, he said, All Filipinos do not greet “Good Morning”, initiating small conversation with me. 

My mind said, is this mockery at this time/morning. To be brutally honest. I do not like small talks. I immediately said that I am an introvert, and not all are Filipinos are like me. Some may react about me being an introvert, but honestly, maybe at work I am like this, come'on, it was almost 7am, we were too early for small talks in anything.

Let me process and drink my coffee. I could’ve joked this way. He was still talking, smiling, insisting. I didn’t argue. I just said, “good morning MR HR(code name lang)”, went out of the pantry immediately.

Anyhow, obviously, I was still loading, I am not being rude am I being rude? For completely ignoring his existence. Can I just say I just do not like being acquainted with loud, men? especially when my brain is not connected to my tongue, yet, due to incomplete coffee consumption. 

In short. LET ME DRINK MY COFFEE first hooman.

Let’s get to talking later. If I want to, If I see you, lalalala...

Bye. *sips not to hot coffee* *sighs* *gahhhh*