That roundabout.

I went to the same roundabout this afternoon with my best buddy. I suddenly remembered how miserable I was. That was December, 2012. I found myself crying and listening to My Immortal(Evanescence) inside the number 61 bus. 

I remembered that I was very upset with the result of my interview. It was the worst job offer I ever had in UAE. It broke my heart so bad, I end up buying a half gallon of Igloo ice cream for myself. 

My mother was very supportive, she came inside my room, asking how my interview went. I tried to hide. But when I was swallowing a spoon full of ice cream I started to break down. I have lost my focus. I have lost my confidence. I smirked while driving as I recall what happened. 

That roundabout reminded me of my 4th year in UAE. It reminded me that this was the country that accepted me at my worst. This country helped me find my strengths and potential to build my confidence back. I have changed. 

That roundabout no longer scares me, it doesn't haunt me anymore. In fact, it was just a sudden reminder that I can no longer hit the same state. I just wanna remember the good things that happened in my life. For I no longer want to keep any bitter memory of the past. I no longer linger what went wrong. I want to go on with my life. but the roundabout triggered my past. 

Feeling Irritated.

*warning this is a negative post.

*this is a rant

*do not read

Maybe because I am tired

Maybe because I feel hungry

Or Maybe because of your attitude

You are so selfish 

When I think of what happened 

How could you want something out of nothing?

Get hold of yourself. 

Spare me please from dramas

We both know I do not deserve it

Shitty flashbacks

Delayed reactions 

It makes me pissed right now

I hate this fucking cycle

So I end my night reminding myself

DO NOT EXPECT AT ALL

WALA

Wala na ung kinang sa mata mo pag nagkikita tayo noon

Wala na marahil napagod ka saakin

Wala kasi akong pinapakitang interes

Wala akong naramdaman ni isang pintig galing sa puso ko

Wala talaga dahil kahit ipilit ko

Wala dahil alam kong kaibigan kita.

Wala kasi takot ako mahalin ang isang kaibigan.

Wala kasi ayaw kita mawala.

Wala naman ako ginawa

Wala naman akong magagawa

Wala ka na rin naman saakin bilang kaibigan.

Wala naman akong dapat sabihin

Wala, basta kung san ka masaya.

Wala kasi masaya din naman ako. 

Wala, balewalaen naten ang lahat.

Wala kang pakialam

Wala akong pakialam

Wala. Akala mo lang meron

Pero, wala wala wala. 

Being selfish ain't bad sometimes.

I do not care if you find me fat.

I do not care if you find me annoying.

I do not care if you find me sarcastic. 

I do not care if you feel negatively about me. 

You know why? because I just do not care.

I refuse to care, because I can be happy in so many ways.

I am not dependent with anyone.

I am proud that I can be alone.

I will only care for those people who gives importance to me. 

I am tired, pulling myself down.

I am tired listening to judgmental people.

I will not listen. Because I don't care. 

I am saying this, because I really don't care.

I will save myself from people who doesn't care.

I do not care, simply because I love myself. 

So I don't care. It's better not to care. 

It's better not to be available for people who doesn't care. 

I am sick of people who needs you just because. 

I hate not being reciprocated. 

Which would mean, I do not care anymore. 

Magtigil

Hindi ko alam
Basta alam ko binigay ko ang lahat
Nasugal ko na ang ako
Hindi ko na talaga maitago

Katahimikan ng aking kalooban
Kinailangan kong pakinggan
Dahil pintig ng puso
Tilay di na buo

Pakiusap ng puso
Itigil na ito
Wala nang luha
Hindi na masaya
Pagkat itong puso ko ay manhid na

Ito ang kinakatakot ko
Ang mapagod at tuluyan ng sumuko
Paano ba mahalin ang isang tulad mo?
Kung ang sarili moy hindi mo mahal.