8/13/13

Don't Even Bother Lying to Me.

Don't even bother lying to me. I find everything out.

Before making an argument with me, make sure your facts are lined up or else your join to end up crying and questioning you're existence. This is a threat Liars.

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Proverbs 12:22 ESV
Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

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No MAN has a good enough MEMORY to be a successful LIAR - Abraham Lincoln

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Why do we lie? I used to lie a lot when I was younger. That was because I hate being reprimanded by my mom. I was a trouble maker, I used to break glasses and expensive things at home. I hate myself for being too clumsy actually. Being that messy and clumsy makes me lie and try to lie my way out of complete outrage from my mom. I was afraid. Who wouldn't be?

I came out last year, that was the highlight of my 2012. I couldn't bear to lie to myself anymore. I tried not to come out because I was afraid. But I took the courage. Then I realized I didn't care that much of what people thought of me. I am just happy being me now.

Liars. Again are everywhere. The most frustrating part is that the closest to your heart are the people who are repeatedly lying to my face over and over again. It makes me feel like they're treating me as a fool. I do admit sometimes I lie only to save time because usually I am tired to begin the "real thing" and it will prolong the misery of blabbing and explaining too many information and details.

But I don't LIE about things that WILL affect someone else. It's a DUTY of care concept. I think. I believe. If I know any of my lies would affect someone, I don't think I'd be able to sleep at night.
I will try not lie vs I will speak my mind intelligently. Life is to short to damage people with lies.

Before anything else. Profess you're feelings. Confess truth and nothing but the naked truth. Lalalala (Green lol). Indeed the truth shall set you FREEEEEE! I am Freeee! as a Beeeee!

Liars? Specifically the Pathological and Compulsive Liars. Why do you lie? No matter what evidences? Even when you are caught red handed? No shame? No regrets? Pointing on a wrong direction? tries to find reasons?

Why do you need hurting the ones who love you?  Who you want to pretend to be? I wanna understand you people? How long I will be able to deal with this before I end up cursing?

So come on? Lie to me? Make me feel like I need a man in my life? Make me need you? Make me real girl? As I try to respect you, all I hear is blah blah blahs and cheap flowery words. You can't blame us, you can't blame me.

You are such coward. Sometimes I think I deserve your balls. I am sorry for not dropping this. But your lying is DAMAGING. You need to get help. I care. I do. You need counseling and psychotherapy.

I love this movie BTW. I am gon to watch this.. NOW!


8/10/13

Short Film - Part Of Growing Up

Title: THAT'S PART OF GROWING UP
Estimated Time: 10 minutes
Background Song: Pangarap Ko - Kitchie Nadal


Cast
Berts as myself
Girl
Dad (Girl)
Mom (Girl)
Professor
Classmates
Mother (Berts)

Scene 1 Mother in panic Hospital Scene

Scene 2 Berts and Girl
Playing PS
Eating together
Tickling
Taking photos
Sharing Secrets

Scene 2 Inside the car, Parents pointing and very mad(Flashback)
Girl: Nalaman na nila Daddy.
Berts: Shempre humindi ka diba?
Girl: I told them the truth. I love you but I have to set you free.
Berts: You told me you won't let go? Hindi ko maintindihan?

Girl: "Gusto ko magka family, Gusto ko magka anak.." she said.

Narration - Those words are haunting me every time. I couldn't understand. She was my lover, my best friend, I couldn't believe and manage myself to accept it. I just got used to her company. I begged her to stay, though I don't beg. But she didn't accept it.

Scene 3 Writing A Letter
My mind wandered too much, was he better? I could be better? Ill make my hair long. Ill wear girly clothes and I swear hindi ka mapapahiya. Ill send and fetch you from work? Ill get a sperm donor, Ill carry babies for us to have a family. I even thought of having a female to male transition.

Scene 4  Writing A Letter - Flashback Car Scene
Tears started rolling - we were inside my car. I cried like there's no future ahead for me. I wanted to disappear. I started hitting my self again. The feeling was devastating. I wish I was a man in a snap. I wanted to kill all men. I hate men. I hate boys.

Scene 5 Writing A Letter
Now I am asking myself lately, Who do you turn to when the only person in the world that can stop you from crying is, is exactly the one that made you cry?

Scene 6 Classroom
2006, Eco class, she was wearing Pink - she was listening to our professor. She was top of the class. She couldn't see me, she was holding a yellow colored pencil high lighting every word she hears on her hand outs.

"Muslim ka ba?" I said - what a loser. It wasn't a tag line, I just knew someone who has the same last name and a Muslim. From that day on, I wanted to be near her always. Everything is beautiful about her. It was obvious she was straight. I was just a stubborn baller. I didn't know I was that interesting to her.

There was this time I still had feelings from my abusive ex girl friend. I was actually adjusting that time, I had to balance my family problems, grades, quitting the basketball team issue and my knee injury.

Scene 7 Writing A Letter
Basically I got on the right track - she gave me hope in finding my self back. She is the only person in this world who I opened to without any hesitation. She is the only one who knows my flaws and my darkest secrets.

Scene 8 Flashback Scene 1
It was a roller coaster ride. She was with me thru ups and downs. There were a lot of memories learned. She was everything I could hope for. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I lost her. I know I could've given more.

Scene 9 Crying, weeping, fetal position - mother knocking on door
I hate you for letting me go. I love you so much and it sucks to let you go. I want to push you around. I want to hug you. I want to shout at you. I want to love you forever, but my definition of forever is over.

Scene 10 Pill in take
I know life goes on. I've heard that too much from everyone. I am on my way to reach my dreams without her. I know I realized that things changed. She changed. Her feelings changed. I have to accept it. Like I always say - That's part of growing up.

Scene 11 Mother in panic - Hospital Scene


8/9/13

Berting's Gangnam Style (PSY) Attempt


Haha. Tell me? Ok ba? :)) Nyahaha! 

Berting's Try (Melissa Polinar) Attempt.

I don't know where you are right now. I don't know what the hell are you thinking with your ways these past few days. I don't know what the heck you are doing. I don't even know how to start not to miss you. But I good greedy. I wanted you to love me and at the same time I want to ged rid of this. As platonic as it may seem. This song speaks about everything. This one is for you. Badass. FYI this is take one, no editing and NO AUTO TUNE. Nyahh... 





Credits to my Guitar teacher - Des Agcaoili (Labyu)

8/1/13

Song of the DAY




"Never Gonna Leave This Bed"
Maroon 5

You push me
I don't have the strength to
Resist or control you
Take me down, take me down

You hurt me
But do I deserve this?
You make me so nervous
Calm me down, calm me down

Wake you up
In the middle of the night to say
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed, oh

So come here
And never leave this place
Perfection of your face
Slows me down, slows me down

So fall down
I need you to trust me
Go easy, don't rush me
Help me out, why don't you help me out?

Wake you up
In the middle of the night to say
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed, oh

So you say "Go, it isn't working"
And I say "No, it isn't perfect"
So I stay instead
I'm never gonna leave this bed

Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
I'd give it all away just to get you back

And fake it, fake it all
Take what I can get

Knockin' so loud
Can you hear me yet
Try to stay awake but you can't forget

Wake you up
In the middle of the night to say
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed, oh

You say "Go, it isn't working"
And I say "No, it isn't perfect"
So I stay instead
I'm never gonna leave this bed, ooh

Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have

Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have

7/31/13

THE FREAKSHOW CLUB

Binibini, Bamboo, Champ, Printet and Pineapple

WE ARE THE ABOVE CAPTIONED GROUP. 

Ikr. Keep you mouths shut lesbian friends. Yes, I tried dancing. Cause I was never good at it. I tried cause I was homesick. I tried cause I was heart sick. I tried cause I felt obliged for it. I tried cause I liked some girls at the club. LOL.  I just wanted to try. OK! Now drop it. No laughing. I am goin to hunt you down. Tama na. ISA! DALAWA! GRRR! :))))

For the next batch - I swear I am going to be true to myself. Ill study the male dance steps whether masakit man sa mata ninyo, pakshit! I don't care. But I am not even sure if I could join in advance because a friend signed me at some Women's Basketball League this coming August. I missed Basketball really. Basketball over Freakshow it is. Depends. Hmm. haha! OK! 

It was a great experience, batch and a great show. The last time I checked I didn't sign up for this freakshow to please anyone or say to be the people's walking entertainment. I felt like I gave too much entertainment by wearing a skirt and wearing unicorns. Bitch I walk like this, drop it. Nobody can tell me how to walk cause I ain't your puppet. :)) Please lang boys, if you feel like I just needed to sleep with you so as to make me a real lady. Pakshit lang ho. No. Save it buster.

My sincerest thank you to those who patiently taught me how to dance. It was actually inspiring to be guided by women. I enjoyed practice because of this portion. lalalalaaa..... 

So here we are the top 5. My gfs. YES! AKIN SILANG LAHAT! bwahahahha! 

I am. Happy. :) 

My Second Album - Berts Urdaneta Try 2.0