3/27/14

The Proposal

The people who come running to hug you after you haven't seen then in a while are my favorite type of people.

A few months back, you came unexpected. I was dead starstruck. You were wearing that green "geek" shirt and black skirt. Some may find it unusual, that some people might fall for others in an instant. But Honestly, love? I was seeing stars, not because of jet lag. I was seeing stars dancing around you, your hair, weaving through your skin. My eyes eclipsed upon seeing you. My thoughts flew, because in that moment, I saw something beautiful. I just fell. I was thinking about how weird the situation was, I felt a bit embarrassed. I just got greedy. I want you to want me back.

But before anything else, I am not the richest bloke you might have been dreaming since you were 16. I walk along late night sidewalks, and I prefer taking the trains than drive. I refuse to listen sometimes, earphones are very important to me. Most of the time I abolish common sense, maybe because I refuse to be a leader and I chose to be the good follower. I joke around, I mess up, I am stubborn. Most of the time I meditate to demonstrate how far I've come from self hate, there are still times that I still cave in to the hatred zone and self medicate.

I am very moody, and I try not to be one. I am the person who wants to set up a cake shop stand inside your mind and see what kind of thoughts come for business. I am what I am and you love me for being me. I am willing to change and be that one person who can wait for you when you are exhausted. I may not give you everything money can buy, but I swear all of me is yours. I am all yours, when you're sad, you can cry it all to me, when you're devastated and sick I will try to be around you. I will pick you up when you're tired, I will never ever leave you.

This is for me, this is about us, this is about the fact that I’m going to be in Dubai in a few days more. I came here cause I want to get to know you, feel you and be with you. I love you. I really want to be with you. I don't want to be with anyone else. I can't envision myself with anyone else. I want to grow old with you and listen to your madness. I care a lot about you. You're everything I ever wanted. I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I love you. You may think that this is just a six months ich, but to me we are infinite. I need, want and love you always.

Will you marry the imperfect crazy unicorn standing in front of you?

3/26/14

ANO KA NA JUL?




I ask myself, over and over again. Sometimes I feel lonely trapped in my own mind, please save me from myself?

I overanalyze. Always. Ever since last year I have been struggling in making decisions. Particularly that one decision that will have a huge effect in my life. I think it is not because of I do not know what I want. I just get easily distracted listening to others suggestions. Especially my dad's opinion. I often ignore important suggestions. Most of the time I even go to the extent of asking God to give me signs and help me decide. 

Lord. give me a sign? I can't hear you. Bingi kasi ako? o hindi ako focused?




 

3/21/14

That Dreadful Hotel Room



I am sorry that we started arguing when I scrutinized your phone. I was under a lot of stress with myself and with us but I know that's no excuse. 

I am sorry that I drove you right into his arms, you'd had it with all of my crap and nagging.

I am sorry that you feel as though everything changed since March. That you felt confused. But I gave you your freedom, right?


I am sorry I didn't realize it sooner that you were falling for him.

I am sorry I didn't realize that he had fallen for you too.


I am sorry I didn't tell you we could just be friends, that would hurt too much. 


I am sorry I am not matured enough to be friends with you.

I am sorry I had to hurt you.

I am sorry I lost my cool when you lied.

I am sorry I could've beg harder.

I am sorry I had to hurt you, cause he doesn't know that he stole my future with you. 

-Written July 20, 2012 [Such agony I wrote, whoaaa] 

White Butterfly.

It was a Monday morning. I feel grouchy about how things are going on with my career and my intentions of putting up a business. Situations are making me crazy, but I think I am doing a smart move on how things are going now.

I am honestly enthusiastic, young and scared to put up a business now, I am afraid to take the risk. I feel compelled and obliged to take in charge into things that aren't suppose to me mine. But I have to step up now, and stop being the baby in our family. I have to stop being generic. I have to get away with this mediocre zone.

I stopped and stared at our garden. I found something unusual. I think I saw a butterfly flying around in an unexplainable pattern. From there I begin to lose my thoughts, my randomness hit me.

Not so long after, I feel terrified. A butterfly, free as a butterfly. I felt like crying, but its no use. I wanted to hide inside the closet, just like the old days. Oh July, I sad stop being a baby. In the real world nobody will help you, yourself is the main enemy. I should stop getting into emotions and making actions. No use looking back my kashungaan days. We learn. We Grow. We become a better person. Stop it with the flashbacks of kashugaan, ok! 

As corny as it may seem, then I hugged myself. I think people should learn how to love themselves first so that they can love others.

Then again, just like that butterfly. That one white butterfly. My thoughts flew, making me realize I am a better person I was then and now. Make a move now.

You are not UGLY - U Gotta Love Yourself.

Beats


She sat across me in a state of loveliness
I look at her, I see myself
I disregard the noise behind me
Suddenly I heard beats of love songs

As I reckon her eyes
with such colors of madness
She sang silently uplifting my dead hopes

She sat across me
It makes sense
My mirror, My reflection
A truer sense of me
I begin to understand