ANOHHH?!

Dalawang beses ko lang naisipan ikasal, dalawang beses equates sa dalawang tao. Pilit kong iniintindi kung bakit. Bakit sila talaga ung naisip ko. It took me days to reflect. So eto na talaga ung mga taong GINUSTO ko mapasaken. Like ginusto ko maging akin lang... #facepalm

Hindi ko na rin maintindihan dahil na rin siguro sa bugso ng damdamin. Ung unang taong ginusto ko talagang pakasalan ay isa sa mga ex ko. Well ung pangatlong ex ko, unfortunately. Hindi ko kinaya ang pagsubok na hinarap namen. Partly its not all on me, maybe, kasi it was a long distance relationship. Mahirap mag kaintindihan, at hindi ma align ang objectives sa buhay, so paiklien na lang naten. Irreconcilable difference. bwaahaha! 

Me bwan na naiisip ko siya, lalo na nung Miss U. Feeling ko kasi hawig niya si MS Michelle Dee. hahah! illusyon ko nga naman. Pangarap ko kasi mag ka beauty queen na gf. hahahah! Kamusta na kaya siya. Kaso para ano pa? mukha naman na siyang masaya. Gustong gusto siya ng daddy ko. OMG, sobra pa sa higit. Maybe siya kasi ung unang gf ko na formal kong pinakilala as GF. Nung panahong kami, masaya ako, pero nakakapikon ung dahilang biglang me "pero". 

Nagpropose ako sa paraang alam kong hindi niya ako hihindian, hahaha kaming dalawa lang ang nakakaalam non. Nasakanya pa nga ung ring. OMG oo naubos halos ang ipon ko nun college para doon. Kasi balak ko ibigay sa isang deserving na tao. Deserving naman siya nun panahon na yun. Kaso hindi talaga eh... Cancers like me we nurture things. We care a lot. Kaso sumobra ung pagka Virgo niya. Hindi ko kinaya ung pressure sa pag intindi. Pinagdarasal ko pa din siya. Kung asan man siya sana asa magandang kinalalagyan na siya. Sana pag nakasalubong ko siya, wala nang sakit ung makita ko sa mga mata niya. Di ko alam kung gusto pa ni lord na magkabalikan kami. Pero sige bahala na si universe. 

Ito ung pinaka malala. Shuta. Ung pangalawang gusto kong pakasalan. Hindi ko ex. Hindi ko close. Hindi ko kaklasi nun college. Pero same batch nun college. We know a couple of friends na connected. I was able to dig deeper on what she wants in life, gusto ko ung mindset niya. But Sagittarius siya, another fire sign. Adventurous not really homey like me. Pero ang weird, hindi ko gusto ung pala murang tao, pero sknya, natatawa na lang ako. The way she carried herself was simply, cute and amazing. Natulala na lang ako. Gusto ko ilabas ung binili kong engagement ring nung kinukunan ko siya ng litrato sa may wings of mexico. Extrovert siya, ako me pagka introvert. Opposites attract ba talaga, I tried to doubt myself a lot of times. I tried so bad, pero ung guilt na may gf  na ako, at siya.. :( 

Bakit ngyon lang kasi siya dumating? So eto, haha masakit, but party lang. Pwede ba yong, basta ko na lang naramdaman. Basta siya gusto ko. So bahala nanaman si universe. 

ANOHHH?! 

Wings of Mexico, I miss you.

It was a very sunny afternoon.

Click click, the sound I heard when I accidentally bump her arm. I felt a soft pinch, I felt happy, I suddenly joked, "May chemistry?" and I felt and heard the clicking sound again. Like cupid was making its way into my heart, slowly, surely. It felt so good. I shyly ignored how it felt and smiled on the floor. What was that, self? I cannot be, I cannot, ugh, even get myself to stop thinking about it, no, her.

Static electricity is the result of an imbalance between negative and positive charges in an “object”. These charges can build up on the surface of an object until they find a way to be released or discharged.

I do know that I may not be a renowned director, a daughter of a rich politician, or even a politician, I know I am a little introvert; I may not be significant enough to stand out. But, one part of me is not giving up on that hope that maybe, just a tiny hope that someday, she’ll get to think of me again and message me to meet up and say “shutacca, let’s get married already”.

I have lost my mind and this is new to me.

How sweet and painful it is to like someone who cannot be yours

Healing for everyone!

 May we heal from things we don’t speak about

This line has been hanging in my head for quite some time. Realized that my 2021 until now is a healing year.

Healing, from a narcissistic person. Healing from all the pain she brought to me and my family. Healing from the crying and cheating she did. Accepting the fact that she wasn’t a human as all. Deciding not to speak, or hear a sound about it. Until now, my heart believes she was not even a she, or a pronoun. That was the most devastating experience I ever had. I still pray, hard, to forgive myself and her. Besides, we are all human.

Some of you might think that I am not over this person, no, you are truly wrong. This kind of healing is tough and hard, it involves a to of psycho therapies and medicines. I am proud that I am able to speak about my mental condition.  Nonetheless, I am so happy to walk through it all with the new love of my life. I am so grateful for all the love and care she gives me.

So glad that my current partner is the most loving and caring person. I hope she is the one. May we all find someone who is good for our souls. Someone who is kind. Who is loving and contented?

And now that I am 34, I can't believe this. I thank god for another chance, another life. May he grant me more love and forgiveness in life. Like my favorite hero in ML, Rafaela: Healing for everyone!