Prologue
I met the saddest person in my life again. Being drunk is her way of escape. You can't blame her. I just can't believe how much pain she hides. I wish to ease them. But I can't. I shouldn't. Should I?
Chapter 1
It's been a month since I have been here in Dubai. I am very lonely. Its not my plan to be here alone. I was actually planning to be here with her. Unfortunately, I was staring at the desert horizon on our veranda. I feel insecure, for not having a job yet. This city ain't for the weak, I can't even make a friend. Everyone is an enemy. Even my mother who is very obnoxious. My way of being cautious.
I won't let anyone bring me down. I hate being close to people, because I think they will just eventually walk out of my life. Just like my ex gf for 4 years, who is now seeing a man. I still cry most of the time. I've been cursing her a lot cause it feels good - it helps me to reduce pain.
Sleeping is so hard when you can't stop thinking of how we used to be. How I loved her indefinitely. A lot of times I wanted to call her and beg, because I can't imagine life without her. She is all I want. But I have to move on and let her go.
I since I am unemployed, I started taking part time jobs as a trade marketing exhibitor, encoder and a basketball player. Money is ok, when converted to peso. Everything was just OK. So so. Until my college friend asked me out to go to a bar. She is gay too, she was my team mate in basketball way back in college. She knew my ex. She knew how I was. It was the nth time she asked me out. Until I gave in.
Her friends was her work mates in a hotel. They are in the same page with us. Sisterhood, brotherhood name it. There goes Mikko's friend Jess. Jess is beautiful, she looks feminine but she's a bit boyish. I noticed that guys and girls are going after her. Unfortunately, her wife was with us, Lena. Lena was in deniably mad, cause everyone in the bar was eyeing on Jess. Jona was also there whom I thought Mikko was dating. Jona was on my left and Jona's left was Ces who is also heart brokened from her ex. Ces was a schoolmate too.
Chapter 2
As I let myself under the influence of alcohol. One glass after another and another. Clouds and stars were seen. I barely even noticed that there was a fight between Lena and Jess. Until I lost track of Lena on our table. I wasn't talking. I remember blurting things about my ex, I was almost crying beside Jona. Jona said she has to go and ces came a long because they have work the following day. Jess grabbed me and said "Halika dito may papakilala akong single! Pwede na! Pwede na!"
I was standing in front of their table, clueless, blank. "Hi ako si Berts". There she was, thick make up, red lips, she looks half lebanese but small. She might look more beautiful without makeup. She was very drunk. "Berts, ngiti ka nga?" I smiled. "Upo ka dito!!! Ako si Lally." She took my hand from Jess and let me sit beside her, It's been long since I've been revered and chased by a girl. I felt like I was king. She was too drunk she's been holding my hand for hours. We danced like I was the best dancer, she was holding me like I was hers. I took the advantage since I am lonely. I was really lonely.
Jess left me along with Lally's best friend Tina. Tina is cute, she keeps on smiling, but we are both the boy type of lesbians. More of a soft butch. But I don't really consider myself as a butch. I am more of the un settled boyish butch. I don't know really, but it depends on my mood.
Tina said "She's my best friend!" pointing at Lally. "How old are you?" while she was drinking beer. "Twenty four, e ikaw?". "Ang bata mo ah! Thirty na ako" grinding her teeth. She's more pretty if she shuts her mouth or I was just drunk. I had no intentions of getting her number. But Mikko was blinking on me and giving me signs of getting her number. I don't want to be made fun of, so I took her number.
Then the night was over. I kissed her in the cheeks. She shrieked in happiness. Its just a bluff. I know this. I have no plans of keeping in touch.
I went inside Mikko's car. I was looking for Lena. Jess said, they just had a fight. Cause Lally approached Jess that gave Lena the wrong signal. The story was, Lally approached Jess in behalf of Tina. Tina was eyeing on Jess. Unfortunately they can't possibly be together since they-are-BOYS. Mikko eventually said "Go ask Tina and Lally to come with us".
Chapter 3
While we were inside Mikko's car, they started talking bisaya. What a complete turn off for me. We end up, at our place. Mikko wanted me to sit beside Lally. She keeps on drinking. I feel a little tipsy, too tipsy I could be raped anytime. I couldn't stare at her by 6am because I think she looked better when I was drunk. Tina was really paranoid. Really paranoid because she has work at 8am.
Nothing worth remembering really happened cause I distanced myself from Lally. I think Lally was capable of doing pleasure. But I just couldn't make love with out being in love. I guess I was old fashioned. No. I can't.
Mikko and Jess went to their accommodation few minutes more past 6:00am. Lally and Tina took the bus to the central business district of the city.
I was left in my bunk. Lying, thinking of how that night affected my moving on stage. I don't want to be lonely forever. I tell myself a couple times. I started to think about Lally and made a comparison list with my ex. Then there goes my ex stealing everything and being irreplaceable. Indeed she is irreplaceable. Crying time again. Pity party.
Chapter 4
Hi Lally, kamusta? si Berts ito. Send.
Add mo ako sa skype lally.jacinto.....
I was bored, honestly. I immediately searched her Facebook before adding her at skype. What a disappointment. She has a girl friend. She lied. Not only that! She has kids. One ten year old girl and an 8 months baby boy. I am not sure if she's married.
She wasn't wearing make up. She's ok with no make up. She was wearing nighties. She's sexy.
"May girl friend ka naman eh, sabi mo kagabi wala." "Oo may jowa ako kaso nasa pinas...! Jowain sana kita...!" She sounded very tacky. She was talking bisaya again with her flat mates. I told myself. This is just a game. I asked her if she's married. She said she was.
I started to think and challenged my self to take this Lally away from her LDR gf. It was just a challenge, no feelings intended. I just want to know and feel the "players" game since I am and I was not the play-with-other-girls-or-boys-feelings. I will hurt you so bad till I forget my ex plan was thought.
I texted Mikko and said
I am going to play with her heart.
Go ahead bro! Enjoy... :))
Chapter 5
We started dating. We went to the Karma Club. Tina and her girl number two was there. I was introduced to Sierra. She takes care of Tina so well, she wipes her perspiration, pours beer on her glass, gives tissue and sanitizer. I can tell that she is very possessive by the way she holds her shoulders. She's the settling type of girl. Boring for some. But I could use a girl like that.
Lally came in late, with her parents. She looks more pretty than the last time I saw her. She looks like a business woman. She was wearing a white top and plaid skirt. I was introduced to her parents. I said hello. I though of things like, Oh not I am join to be in trouble with the in laws. The other brain told me... Yes! no more hiding, She's legal. She's a legal lesbian, jackpot?.
I kissed her cheek, I said "I know its fast, pwede akin ka na lang?" She smiled, pulled my hand to her legs. She wanted more beer. She started drinking a lot. She looks demure unlike the first time I saw her. I asked her where does she work so I could send flowers etc. She said "Nagwowork ako sa Kukos cosmetics" "San jun? Never heard about it" "Muraqqabath" "Ahh san dun" "Wag mo na alamin." She kissed my cheeks. I feel like I am in a teenage dreams.
We left her parents, Tina and Sierra at Karma Club. We said were going somewhere else. I can't believe her father bought that reasoning. But she was really insisting to go to my flat instead of going to cheap hotels.
Chapter 6
We were so drunk, we took a cab till we reached my flat. She started kissing me on stairs. I felt really excited and weak. We reached my room. I locked the door. I turned off the lights. Light up the candles. When I faced her she threw her top on my face. Then we started kissing each other passionately. She has very soft skin. She was longing for my lips. She I kissed all over. She took my hand and led me to hers. She let me do my job. She was quite noisy. She tried not to make a sound. I was surprised to see her tattoos at her back, there were two dragons. I kissed her back. Hugged her. She faced in front of me.
She fell asleep in my arms. I couldn't sleep due to guilt and satisfaction. I was staring at her, as if I was really in love. I stared at her and whispered, I am sorry. I don't love you.
When the sunshine hit my room. She woke up. Kissed me. I pretended that I fell asleep but I couldn't really sleep. I was thinking that it was the stupidest thing that I did in my life. Having sex with someone I barely even know. I don't even know her middle initial. Her birthday perhaps. I was also thinking of a great lie to cover up if ever my mother wakes up.
I went out of my room to get water and look for something to eat, I told her to feel free using my lazy boy couch. Which was my throne or my thinking chair.
When I came in my room with a glass of water, I saw her staring at the deserted view sitting in my couch. She looks weird and a little stir crazy. As if she was talking to herself. I looked at her and she looked teary eyed.
"Okay lang ako."
Chapter 7
We took a cab to her flat. She was talking about her kids, her ex husband, her religion - she is a Japanese Buddhist. I didn't know that there were branches of Buddhism. I listened. I looked interested. I shared Mikko and Ces were my school mates in Philippines. I asked her if she ever liked the 2, cause the 3 of us were single. She said she's go after me cause she likes my smile.
She kissed me when we arrived at her building.
"Skype tayo later". Then she went down the cab. Waved and there she goes.
BBmed my best buddy, Demi.
B: I am playing with someone's heart! She was great in bed.
D: Good for you. But don't fall ok!
B: Oo naman, I know my place.
Chapter 8
I was calling her at Skype, but she didn't answer. I called her phone, she answered. "Sino to?" "Berts, nakalimutan mo na ako" "Kausap ko boyfriend ko." "Ay sorry sorry, Sige bye"
Game Over. I thought. Talo. It's a good thing Mikko didn't place a bet on money.
Skype ringing. "Sorry Berts, Kausap ko kasi si Karen"
Chapter 9
Has a girl friend. Two kids. Was married. Now what? As weeks turned a month. We kept seeing each other along with Tina and Sierra.
One fine day I asked her. "Let's go out later?" "San ba? Pumunta ka na lang dito sa bahay ko" Went to her place brought KFC for dinner. When I went to her place. I was surprised to see 8 girls inside a room. They were like sardines. She was again wearing nighties. She looked like a girl from cabarets. But she was entertaining me. She served the food I brought to her flat mates. It wasn't sufficient for the rest, I didn't even bother to take one piece of chicken.
We couldn't cuddle cause there's no space. The place has filthy cockroaches. It was disgusting. I tried to act and feel like I belong. The girls from the flat were smiling at me. One girl said "Ang gwapo naman nya! and went directly to the room"
Lally said "Sorry akin siya..." The other girl who was wearing brown and quite sexy said "San kayo nag kakilala?" "Karma Club" "Alam mo ba kung san nag wowork to?" "Sa isang cosmetics company, sa muraqabath, diba?" I looked at Lally blankly. I was actually tired from part time work. I was a little irritated with that question. I just wanted Lally's attention. Lally turned dull. It was weird.
"Anung problema Lally?" "Wala naman, kain ka chicken". She really looked different.
Chapter 10
After eating. I asked her that we should be in a relationship since I already accepted everything. "Mamamatay tao ako" "Mamamatay tao?! Sabagay patay na patay ako sayo"
What a fast joke Berts I thought, I think she's falling now. Who wouldn't fall for me. I am not bad looking. I am cool funny, simple, handsome, beautiful, brilliant.
"Usap na lang tayo later sa skype" "Bakit hindi pa ngayon? Bakit ansungit mo na naman? "Sorry moody kasi ako, usap na lang tayo sa skype later" "Ah nag away kayo gf mo?" I thought to my self bakit hindi ako, I am too perfect for you, why can't she leave Karen? What's so special about her, she haven't seen that dude personally.
What the hell happened. "What time ka uuwe?" "Pinapauwe mo na ako? " "Hindi naman." "Uwe na ako, ng 10pm ok"
Game Over. Take two. Dammit. I wasted 30 bucks for that Kfc Meal +++ Bar nights and Cab fares.
Chapter 11
Took a bus way home. I can't lose this game.
Mahal na kita Lally. Don't throw us away. I wanna be there for you. I will be better than her. Whatever you like. Let's just say I don't want to lose you. SEND
Usap tayo later sa skype.
It's not over. I was laughing my ass off inside bus 61.
Chapter 12
Arrived at home 11:40PM. Immediately called her at Skype. She didn't answer. IMed her.
"Hi babe, pwede ka na ba kausapin?" I had a thought she was talking to her gf,
She called around 12:30am, I answered. She was getting drunk with her flatmates. She wanted to say something. She said she loves me too. I was smiling as if i won jackpot. I was actually winning. My head says "YES YES YOOOW".
She was drinking tough brandy. A glass of brandy was shown before she started to cry. She couldn't say what she wanted to say. She was explaining why she acted weird that evening. She had a fight with her gf, she needs money etc, family feuds, rambled feelings. I don't like drama. I feel dizzy we were skyping till 4am. Then she finally had the courage to say what's bothering her...
"Pokpok ako" "I said, so? Ok lang, Mahal pa rin kita" I was lying. I couldn't react negatively. My head was throbbing. This is unbearable.
"Ayokong mapahiya ka sa mga kaibigan mo, mapahiya ka sa lahat"
Chapter 13
B: Kaya pala magaling.
D: ????
B: Bro, she's a slut. I feel stupid.
D: Mag sipilyo ka. Maligo ka na ng zonrox. Mag kiskis ka. Makati ba bibig mo? Tangina.
B: Iniisip ko na lang, na isang bwan kong nakalimutan ex ko. Swerteng.. Malas!
Chapter 14
I, Lally, Tina, Sierra, Jona, Ces and Mikko were constantly going out on weekends. Jess couldn't possibly join us for Lena reasons. Lally started to make efforts showing up in my family affairs. She always wants us to go on bars for a drink after dinners. She loves to drink alcohol. Which I tried to control her and refrain her from drinking. She started making a scene and throwing mood swings in front of my friends.
I don't like drama, I can't even fix myself so why would I comfort her. I started to space out a little. She noticed it, but she eventually comes after me.
Lally went to the toilet. Ces asks "Brader, anung problem nun? Mahal mo na ata! hahah!" "Ulul hindi ah, secret lang ah, pokpok kasi siya wala atang booking" "Gagu? malakas kita niyan" "Secret lang, cge try mo. Bwaha!"
She came back. She started to confide that she wanted to fix things first with her ex, whom she said was haunting her since she arrived in UAE. Her ex followed her here. I told her I can wait and fix her unicorns first.
Chapter 15
Ces decided to go back in the Philippines. Her ex doesn't want her back. She only stayed here for her. Unfortunately, she ceased fire. She's going home in a snap. I couldn't possibly go to her despidida party, which was in Manhattan Hotel. I just got hired as a manager and I was on field work the next day. Mikko can't go as well as she was on a night shift. Her attendees was Lally, Jona, Tina and some of Ces friends I barely know.
Until the day came, Ces texted everyone that she had a great fight and she is going back to Manila.
Bye Ces. I feel sorry for not being able to show up.
Chapter 16
"Babe wala ka nang time sakin ah" "Alam mo namang busy ako sa work" Actually I was starting to walk away. "Binaba ako ni Ces sa Reef mall, binatukan pa ako, gagung yon" She sounded sluttish and uneducated. "E loko loko kasi un si Ces". "Kita na lang tayo next monday" "Hindi naman totoo yan, baka hindi ka nanamn pumunta" "Pupunta naman ako, ikaw lang nag iiba ng oras" "Alam mo naman yan diba" "Oo".
At Facebook.
C: Brader!
J: Yow, sensya na hindi na kami nakapunta.
C: May sasabihin ako sayo. Nag sex kami ni Lally!
J: bwahahah Gagu ka sabi na e! sabi na!
C: Oi wag ka magalit. Seryoso ka ata dun e. Hindi anu ba! Play the game pre.
J: oonga! ;))
Chapter 17
I called Lally, I told her that I will meet her after dinner but I really have no intentions showing up. It was my way of hurting her. As I felt toyed. Somehow. I feel mad. Maybe I fell a little. No. NO! I didn't. She started being mad at me. Which was planned. I messaged her. I told her "Sana maging magkaibigan na lang tayo". She said "Orukan!"
I asked Tina what was that about? Is that a Bisaya language? Only to find out it was a brand of plastic rice dispenser. We were laughing, Tina, Sierra and Jona. Let's just say. I am still blessed for I might lose Lally, but I made friends.
Chapter 18
A month after. I was informed by Tina that Lally will comeback soon, she just went to Oman for exit since she doesn't have her own visa. That's the reason why her passport was with her during our first date.
Babes, andito na si Lally! Punta ka dito! Tina the best friend texted.
Jona and I showed up. She was wearing thick make up. She still looks the same. Very jolly and loud. She was drinking vodka. I couldn't stare at her. She eventually sat beside me. I was introduced to her brother. Tina was very protective of me because she value our friendship too much since she left Sierra and her original girl friend for Jona. Jona who apparently became close with me.
"Kamusta?" "Eto, ganun pa rin, naghahanap na ako ng trabaho" "Good for you"
We were drunk. We went to Lally's new place. No more cockroaches. They brought beer. We drank again. I fell asleep on Lally's bed. She slept beside me. "Namiss mo ako?" She kissed me. "Oo" I hugged her. This time I felt sadness.
-----
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I met the saddest person in my life again. Being drunk is her way of escape. You can't blame her. I just can't believe how much pain she hides. I wish to ease them. But I can't. I shouldn't. Should I?
Chapter 1
It's been a month since I have been here in Dubai. I am very lonely. Its not my plan to be here alone. I was actually planning to be here with her. Unfortunately, I was staring at the desert horizon on our veranda. I feel insecure, for not having a job yet. This city ain't for the weak, I can't even make a friend. Everyone is an enemy. Even my mother who is very obnoxious. My way of being cautious.
I won't let anyone bring me down. I hate being close to people, because I think they will just eventually walk out of my life. Just like my ex gf for 4 years, who is now seeing a man. I still cry most of the time. I've been cursing her a lot cause it feels good - it helps me to reduce pain.
Sleeping is so hard when you can't stop thinking of how we used to be. How I loved her indefinitely. A lot of times I wanted to call her and beg, because I can't imagine life without her. She is all I want. But I have to move on and let her go.
I since I am unemployed, I started taking part time jobs as a trade marketing exhibitor, encoder and a basketball player. Money is ok, when converted to peso. Everything was just OK. So so. Until my college friend asked me out to go to a bar. She is gay too, she was my team mate in basketball way back in college. She knew my ex. She knew how I was. It was the nth time she asked me out. Until I gave in.
Her friends was her work mates in a hotel. They are in the same page with us. Sisterhood, brotherhood name it. There goes Mikko's friend Jess. Jess is beautiful, she looks feminine but she's a bit boyish. I noticed that guys and girls are going after her. Unfortunately, her wife was with us, Lena. Lena was in deniably mad, cause everyone in the bar was eyeing on Jess. Jona was also there whom I thought Mikko was dating. Jona was on my left and Jona's left was Ces who is also heart brokened from her ex. Ces was a schoolmate too.
Chapter 2
As I let myself under the influence of alcohol. One glass after another and another. Clouds and stars were seen. I barely even noticed that there was a fight between Lena and Jess. Until I lost track of Lena on our table. I wasn't talking. I remember blurting things about my ex, I was almost crying beside Jona. Jona said she has to go and ces came a long because they have work the following day. Jess grabbed me and said "Halika dito may papakilala akong single! Pwede na! Pwede na!"
I was standing in front of their table, clueless, blank. "Hi ako si Berts". There she was, thick make up, red lips, she looks half lebanese but small. She might look more beautiful without makeup. She was very drunk. "Berts, ngiti ka nga?" I smiled. "Upo ka dito!!! Ako si Lally." She took my hand from Jess and let me sit beside her, It's been long since I've been revered and chased by a girl. I felt like I was king. She was too drunk she's been holding my hand for hours. We danced like I was the best dancer, she was holding me like I was hers. I took the advantage since I am lonely. I was really lonely.
Jess left me along with Lally's best friend Tina. Tina is cute, she keeps on smiling, but we are both the boy type of lesbians. More of a soft butch. But I don't really consider myself as a butch. I am more of the un settled boyish butch. I don't know really, but it depends on my mood.
Tina said "She's my best friend!" pointing at Lally. "How old are you?" while she was drinking beer. "Twenty four, e ikaw?". "Ang bata mo ah! Thirty na ako" grinding her teeth. She's more pretty if she shuts her mouth or I was just drunk. I had no intentions of getting her number. But Mikko was blinking on me and giving me signs of getting her number. I don't want to be made fun of, so I took her number.
Then the night was over. I kissed her in the cheeks. She shrieked in happiness. Its just a bluff. I know this. I have no plans of keeping in touch.
I went inside Mikko's car. I was looking for Lena. Jess said, they just had a fight. Cause Lally approached Jess that gave Lena the wrong signal. The story was, Lally approached Jess in behalf of Tina. Tina was eyeing on Jess. Unfortunately they can't possibly be together since they-are-BOYS. Mikko eventually said "Go ask Tina and Lally to come with us".
Chapter 3
While we were inside Mikko's car, they started talking bisaya. What a complete turn off for me. We end up, at our place. Mikko wanted me to sit beside Lally. She keeps on drinking. I feel a little tipsy, too tipsy I could be raped anytime. I couldn't stare at her by 6am because I think she looked better when I was drunk. Tina was really paranoid. Really paranoid because she has work at 8am.
Nothing worth remembering really happened cause I distanced myself from Lally. I think Lally was capable of doing pleasure. But I just couldn't make love with out being in love. I guess I was old fashioned. No. I can't.
Mikko and Jess went to their accommodation few minutes more past 6:00am. Lally and Tina took the bus to the central business district of the city.
I was left in my bunk. Lying, thinking of how that night affected my moving on stage. I don't want to be lonely forever. I tell myself a couple times. I started to think about Lally and made a comparison list with my ex. Then there goes my ex stealing everything and being irreplaceable. Indeed she is irreplaceable. Crying time again. Pity party.
Chapter 4
Hi Lally, kamusta? si Berts ito. Send.
Add mo ako sa skype lally.jacinto.....
I was bored, honestly. I immediately searched her Facebook before adding her at skype. What a disappointment. She has a girl friend. She lied. Not only that! She has kids. One ten year old girl and an 8 months baby boy. I am not sure if she's married.
She wasn't wearing make up. She's ok with no make up. She was wearing nighties. She's sexy.
"May girl friend ka naman eh, sabi mo kagabi wala." "Oo may jowa ako kaso nasa pinas...! Jowain sana kita...!" She sounded very tacky. She was talking bisaya again with her flat mates. I told myself. This is just a game. I asked her if she's married. She said she was.
I started to think and challenged my self to take this Lally away from her LDR gf. It was just a challenge, no feelings intended. I just want to know and feel the "players" game since I am and I was not the play-with-other-girls-or-boys-feelings. I will hurt you so bad till I forget my ex plan was thought.
I texted Mikko and said
I am going to play with her heart.
Go ahead bro! Enjoy... :))
Chapter 5
We started dating. We went to the Karma Club. Tina and her girl number two was there. I was introduced to Sierra. She takes care of Tina so well, she wipes her perspiration, pours beer on her glass, gives tissue and sanitizer. I can tell that she is very possessive by the way she holds her shoulders. She's the settling type of girl. Boring for some. But I could use a girl like that.
Lally came in late, with her parents. She looks more pretty than the last time I saw her. She looks like a business woman. She was wearing a white top and plaid skirt. I was introduced to her parents. I said hello. I though of things like, Oh not I am join to be in trouble with the in laws. The other brain told me... Yes! no more hiding, She's legal. She's a legal lesbian, jackpot?.
I kissed her cheek, I said "I know its fast, pwede akin ka na lang?" She smiled, pulled my hand to her legs. She wanted more beer. She started drinking a lot. She looks demure unlike the first time I saw her. I asked her where does she work so I could send flowers etc. She said "Nagwowork ako sa Kukos cosmetics" "San jun? Never heard about it" "Muraqqabath" "Ahh san dun" "Wag mo na alamin." She kissed my cheeks. I feel like I am in a teenage dreams.
We left her parents, Tina and Sierra at Karma Club. We said were going somewhere else. I can't believe her father bought that reasoning. But she was really insisting to go to my flat instead of going to cheap hotels.
Chapter 6
We were so drunk, we took a cab till we reached my flat. She started kissing me on stairs. I felt really excited and weak. We reached my room. I locked the door. I turned off the lights. Light up the candles. When I faced her she threw her top on my face. Then we started kissing each other passionately. She has very soft skin. She was longing for my lips. She I kissed all over. She took my hand and led me to hers. She let me do my job. She was quite noisy. She tried not to make a sound. I was surprised to see her tattoos at her back, there were two dragons. I kissed her back. Hugged her. She faced in front of me.
She fell asleep in my arms. I couldn't sleep due to guilt and satisfaction. I was staring at her, as if I was really in love. I stared at her and whispered, I am sorry. I don't love you.
When the sunshine hit my room. She woke up. Kissed me. I pretended that I fell asleep but I couldn't really sleep. I was thinking that it was the stupidest thing that I did in my life. Having sex with someone I barely even know. I don't even know her middle initial. Her birthday perhaps. I was also thinking of a great lie to cover up if ever my mother wakes up.
I went out of my room to get water and look for something to eat, I told her to feel free using my lazy boy couch. Which was my throne or my thinking chair.
When I came in my room with a glass of water, I saw her staring at the deserted view sitting in my couch. She looks weird and a little stir crazy. As if she was talking to herself. I looked at her and she looked teary eyed.
"Okay lang ako."
Chapter 7
We took a cab to her flat. She was talking about her kids, her ex husband, her religion - she is a Japanese Buddhist. I didn't know that there were branches of Buddhism. I listened. I looked interested. I shared Mikko and Ces were my school mates in Philippines. I asked her if she ever liked the 2, cause the 3 of us were single. She said she's go after me cause she likes my smile.
She kissed me when we arrived at her building.
"Skype tayo later". Then she went down the cab. Waved and there she goes.
BBmed my best buddy, Demi.
B: I am playing with someone's heart! She was great in bed.
D: Good for you. But don't fall ok!
B: Oo naman, I know my place.
Chapter 8
I was calling her at Skype, but she didn't answer. I called her phone, she answered. "Sino to?" "Berts, nakalimutan mo na ako" "Kausap ko boyfriend ko." "Ay sorry sorry, Sige bye"
Game Over. I thought. Talo. It's a good thing Mikko didn't place a bet on money.
Skype ringing. "Sorry Berts, Kausap ko kasi si Karen"
Chapter 9
Has a girl friend. Two kids. Was married. Now what? As weeks turned a month. We kept seeing each other along with Tina and Sierra.
One fine day I asked her. "Let's go out later?" "San ba? Pumunta ka na lang dito sa bahay ko" Went to her place brought KFC for dinner. When I went to her place. I was surprised to see 8 girls inside a room. They were like sardines. She was again wearing nighties. She looked like a girl from cabarets. But she was entertaining me. She served the food I brought to her flat mates. It wasn't sufficient for the rest, I didn't even bother to take one piece of chicken.
We couldn't cuddle cause there's no space. The place has filthy cockroaches. It was disgusting. I tried to act and feel like I belong. The girls from the flat were smiling at me. One girl said "Ang gwapo naman nya! and went directly to the room"
Lally said "Sorry akin siya..." The other girl who was wearing brown and quite sexy said "San kayo nag kakilala?" "Karma Club" "Alam mo ba kung san nag wowork to?" "Sa isang cosmetics company, sa muraqabath, diba?" I looked at Lally blankly. I was actually tired from part time work. I was a little irritated with that question. I just wanted Lally's attention. Lally turned dull. It was weird.
"Anung problema Lally?" "Wala naman, kain ka chicken". She really looked different.
Chapter 10
After eating. I asked her that we should be in a relationship since I already accepted everything. "Mamamatay tao ako" "Mamamatay tao?! Sabagay patay na patay ako sayo"
What a fast joke Berts I thought, I think she's falling now. Who wouldn't fall for me. I am not bad looking. I am cool funny, simple, handsome, beautiful, brilliant.
"Usap na lang tayo later sa skype" "Bakit hindi pa ngayon? Bakit ansungit mo na naman? "Sorry moody kasi ako, usap na lang tayo sa skype later" "Ah nag away kayo gf mo?" I thought to my self bakit hindi ako, I am too perfect for you, why can't she leave Karen? What's so special about her, she haven't seen that dude personally.
What the hell happened. "What time ka uuwe?" "Pinapauwe mo na ako? " "Hindi naman." "Uwe na ako, ng 10pm ok"
Game Over. Take two. Dammit. I wasted 30 bucks for that Kfc Meal +++ Bar nights and Cab fares.
Chapter 11
Took a bus way home. I can't lose this game.
Mahal na kita Lally. Don't throw us away. I wanna be there for you. I will be better than her. Whatever you like. Let's just say I don't want to lose you. SEND
Usap tayo later sa skype.
It's not over. I was laughing my ass off inside bus 61.
Chapter 12
Arrived at home 11:40PM. Immediately called her at Skype. She didn't answer. IMed her.
"Hi babe, pwede ka na ba kausapin?" I had a thought she was talking to her gf,
She called around 12:30am, I answered. She was getting drunk with her flatmates. She wanted to say something. She said she loves me too. I was smiling as if i won jackpot. I was actually winning. My head says "YES YES YOOOW".
She was drinking tough brandy. A glass of brandy was shown before she started to cry. She couldn't say what she wanted to say. She was explaining why she acted weird that evening. She had a fight with her gf, she needs money etc, family feuds, rambled feelings. I don't like drama. I feel dizzy we were skyping till 4am. Then she finally had the courage to say what's bothering her...
"Pokpok ako" "I said, so? Ok lang, Mahal pa rin kita" I was lying. I couldn't react negatively. My head was throbbing. This is unbearable.
"Ayokong mapahiya ka sa mga kaibigan mo, mapahiya ka sa lahat"
Chapter 13
B: Kaya pala magaling.
D: ????
B: Bro, she's a slut. I feel stupid.
D: Mag sipilyo ka. Maligo ka na ng zonrox. Mag kiskis ka. Makati ba bibig mo? Tangina.
B: Iniisip ko na lang, na isang bwan kong nakalimutan ex ko. Swerteng.. Malas!
Chapter 14
I, Lally, Tina, Sierra, Jona, Ces and Mikko were constantly going out on weekends. Jess couldn't possibly join us for Lena reasons. Lally started to make efforts showing up in my family affairs. She always wants us to go on bars for a drink after dinners. She loves to drink alcohol. Which I tried to control her and refrain her from drinking. She started making a scene and throwing mood swings in front of my friends.
I don't like drama, I can't even fix myself so why would I comfort her. I started to space out a little. She noticed it, but she eventually comes after me.
Lally went to the toilet. Ces asks "Brader, anung problem nun? Mahal mo na ata! hahah!" "Ulul hindi ah, secret lang ah, pokpok kasi siya wala atang booking" "Gagu? malakas kita niyan" "Secret lang, cge try mo. Bwaha!"
She came back. She started to confide that she wanted to fix things first with her ex, whom she said was haunting her since she arrived in UAE. Her ex followed her here. I told her I can wait and fix her unicorns first.
Chapter 15
Ces decided to go back in the Philippines. Her ex doesn't want her back. She only stayed here for her. Unfortunately, she ceased fire. She's going home in a snap. I couldn't possibly go to her despidida party, which was in Manhattan Hotel. I just got hired as a manager and I was on field work the next day. Mikko can't go as well as she was on a night shift. Her attendees was Lally, Jona, Tina and some of Ces friends I barely know.
Until the day came, Ces texted everyone that she had a great fight and she is going back to Manila.
Bye Ces. I feel sorry for not being able to show up.
Chapter 16
"Babe wala ka nang time sakin ah" "Alam mo namang busy ako sa work" Actually I was starting to walk away. "Binaba ako ni Ces sa Reef mall, binatukan pa ako, gagung yon" She sounded sluttish and uneducated. "E loko loko kasi un si Ces". "Kita na lang tayo next monday" "Hindi naman totoo yan, baka hindi ka nanamn pumunta" "Pupunta naman ako, ikaw lang nag iiba ng oras" "Alam mo naman yan diba" "Oo".
At Facebook.
C: Brader!
J: Yow, sensya na hindi na kami nakapunta.
C: May sasabihin ako sayo. Nag sex kami ni Lally!
J: bwahahah Gagu ka sabi na e! sabi na!
C: Oi wag ka magalit. Seryoso ka ata dun e. Hindi anu ba! Play the game pre.
J: oonga! ;))
Chapter 17
I called Lally, I told her that I will meet her after dinner but I really have no intentions showing up. It was my way of hurting her. As I felt toyed. Somehow. I feel mad. Maybe I fell a little. No. NO! I didn't. She started being mad at me. Which was planned. I messaged her. I told her "Sana maging magkaibigan na lang tayo". She said "Orukan!"
I asked Tina what was that about? Is that a Bisaya language? Only to find out it was a brand of plastic rice dispenser. We were laughing, Tina, Sierra and Jona. Let's just say. I am still blessed for I might lose Lally, but I made friends.
Chapter 18
A month after. I was informed by Tina that Lally will comeback soon, she just went to Oman for exit since she doesn't have her own visa. That's the reason why her passport was with her during our first date.
Babes, andito na si Lally! Punta ka dito! Tina the best friend texted.
Jona and I showed up. She was wearing thick make up. She still looks the same. Very jolly and loud. She was drinking vodka. I couldn't stare at her. She eventually sat beside me. I was introduced to her brother. Tina was very protective of me because she value our friendship too much since she left Sierra and her original girl friend for Jona. Jona who apparently became close with me.
"Kamusta?" "Eto, ganun pa rin, naghahanap na ako ng trabaho" "Good for you"
We were drunk. We went to Lally's new place. No more cockroaches. They brought beer. We drank again. I fell asleep on Lally's bed. She slept beside me. "Namiss mo ako?" She kissed me. "Oo" I hugged her. This time I felt sadness.
I met the saddest person in my life again. Being drunk is her way of escape. You can't blame her. I just can't believe how much pain she hides. I wish to ease them. But I can't and I shouldn't.
She doesn't really need to explain, I can figure out everything in her mind by just staring at her when she's blankly staring nowhere. She says "Okay" when she's not. She once said she wanted to change, but she couldn't yet change in a snap.
She fell as asleep in my arms again. I stared at her. I whispered. I am sorry babe for all the pain I've caused you. I can see you've faced too many shits in life already. But this time I won't leave and I will care for you as a friend.
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GRATEFUL
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