5/9/19

It is not about losing.

I can only think about the major differences that we have, It may seem like we are always in a whirl wind romance all the time, but tell you what, we have fought so hard these past few days. And I would say, we almost lost it and we might lose it, I guess we have reached comfortable zone. This is were I am bad at.



Woke up with a headache, mainly because I had trouble sleeping. Her words haunting me, as I demanded for an apology, she said she would not give. Eventually, maybe. My mind set has been programmed to accept that she has her own reasons to validate the bad words she let her mouth when she was mad. And to be able to function properly, I pretended she said sorry, by staring at her. I needed to think that way, I am not a masochist, being the emotional and sensitive me, I needed to move on from that big fight. I just need to let it go and shake it off.

I have stripped the sticky notes on the walls of our room. I was giving up on her that time. It got me thinking that I could just be again the best tita and daughter our family could ever had. I was also thinking and hoping she would ask or initiate putting it back together, but to date, she doesn't seem to care about it, maybe expectations really spoils every relationship. But isn't it normal to expect from your partner?

We clearly have issues coming in and out, but we are still together. I am doing my best to compromise, even though she keeps telling me that I keep on doing what hurts her. That clearly I don't get to see her grudges. To be honest, I dont know.

What does that mean?

I guess in every relationship, doubts can come in between. It is so hard to sacrifice things for someone so dear to you just to keep a relationship. But clearly, compromise isn't about losing, it is deciding that this person has just as much right to be happy with the end result as you do. No relationship is perfect, I am a perfectionist, she maybe not. There are ways to bend, we will always find ways to work out, because at the end of the day, it is better to bend than to break a relationship.

We find ways. I will find a way. I will not regret this post. She will be my wife.

I love her.

5/6/19

Materialism Day

To be materialistic.

A few years back, back when I was HS, and nokia phones were the trend. I friend asked me, what is the model of your phone? why this phone? responded by saying.

“Why not, it still runs, I can txt and call. why not?"

During that time phones without antennas are cool as aff. My friend’s face suddenly went into a full a*&@^!* mode.

My friend purchased her phone I guess mainly for the gain of her status symbol. Technically her dad bought it pala that time. To her, the model of your phone and if it had a camera is meant to signify its owners’ high social and economic standing. Gee fine yours doesnt have an antenna.

For me, during that time my phone is an object to connect me from my dad who picks me up at school. My 5310 rocks!

I inherited that phone from my sistah.

See, I have nothing against people buying and purchasing handbags, shoes, cars, Rolex, and iPhones.

After all, people have every right to use their hard earned money. Parent's ehem.

But sometimes, it is too much. Lalo na ung mga kabayan dito. I once read in Atty Barney's book - Andito ka sa ibang bansa para mag ipon hindi mag iphone.

People are so hooked up with material things, working long hours to attain that, and still end up being miserable. I still own an s7 edge phone, the new model now is s10. I am 3 models away and I dont care because my phone is still working.

What people don’t know is that Materialism is a system that eats people from the inside out.These people define their value in terms of the objects that they own. They get stuck in a never-ending comparison. They crave external appreciation and wait to be noticed by others.

I face people from different walks of life, and believe me, I can sense those people who are “Materialistic” a mile away. One more thing, do not spend more than what you earn.

It’s a shame to see people living that way. Some of them are close friends and relatives of mine.

Point is. if you find yourself reading this entry. If you can afford it. Why not. Edi wow.

4/4/19

Not Everyone You Lose is a Loss

Well hello Berts, this is my first post in 2019.

I thought of writing an entry while my partner is studying her RBT course online, at the moment we are in Aloft DCC. We just had our dinner here in Han Shi Fu, the food is amazing by the way, I think they are far better than PF Changs(which is overpriced now). I think I am already drunk, tonight is ladies night!

Anyhow, I have been dying to write these past few days, because writing helps me vent and release tension. Oh Yes, I was in tension this evening due to work. Ugh I just can't wait to be a business owner, so tired of being a corporate slave. So there's this video my partner showed me, that not everyone you lose is a loss. My thoughts. Ok. I will write about it soon. And that soon, went on and on and on until today is April 3rd.

......................There will always be 2 sides of a story. 10:27PM.

When I faced 2018, I already set my mind to positivity, I already accepted that life is not fair. Life will hit you hard, but you have to stand up and learn from each fall you had. I carry no grudge, really, because after all the betrayal and karmas, I found the love that chooses me and only me.

It took a lot of reflection, self pity, patience and love. But the best thing I have learned was never hate anyone.The world is already filled with hatred and I could never be one bitter semi lad who can only think of what ifs. Let's all move on, be happy, forgiving and loving.

About the video, well I am very thankful to all the people who took the courage to ghost me in the middle of a crash and burn situation.

A lesson and a scar. I don't even think it is a grueling task to think if I was worth the time. It is pointless. We have to grow up and move forward. Come to think of it?

Things change. People Change. Circumstances change.

Let's cut those old loose ties, cut all the memories, because sticking together won't do good anymore. Leave, save yourself, don't look back, there's nothing more hurtful to save yourself. This is where we are good at, run away, because being self fish is very easy? right?


4/6/18

Always writing a story in my HEAD

I did a creative job on practicing my writing skills. Unfortunately I cannot divulge it yet. But this is extremely exciting. Because this is unusual. :) I will be working on this idea for a year and I promise not to tell anyone even my gf.

Anyhow, yes my blog will no longer be a series of emotional blabbers and rants. I am so happy right now and I believe I deserve this kind of love. I am not sure if my gf is reading this, but if you are, I love you! Sorry about this project that I cannot tell yet. Someday youll be able to read it, and you will be the first one to read my story. Our story.

this one is for you.


My Soulmate

I understand why it didn't work out with anybody else
You walked into my life
Like I already know you
You took down my high walls
and lit my soul on fire

Those eyes
Those smile
The way you talk
How you deal with things
You're too perfect for me?

You are my dream come true
I am so blessed that we have finally met
Thank you for blessing me with you
Thank you for dreaming with me - and seeing me in your future

I will spend my life caring, loving & respecting you
Showing you everyday that I hold you as high as the stars
I don't ever want to be without you
You are mine and I am all yours

07-03-2018






1/10/18

Forgive Me

I know I don't deserve it
But please find love to forgive me
in your heart
I will work hard for it
I really want to make it right

if you let me?

Please give me another chance
I really hope it is never too late
But at least forgive me
Because I need you in my life.

I could never hate you.

You are my sanity, you make everything okay - she said

Do you know what it feels like
Not being able to breathe?
It didn't cross my mind, until one day

You decided to leave.

I just gotta see you, to feel you
I know your heart became unobtainable
I know, I know it was my fault
I am here now

I watched you go out of that door
Words sliced my throat
It was killing me

I was kneeling, begging
But it didn't slow your pace

I love you
I know you still love me
Please look at me again

You and I failed in a lot of ways
But you loved me too good to ever hate you

1/6/18

It all went blurry.

I was memorizing my lines before I got to the queue. Unfortunately I wasn't able to say what I wanted to say to you, I was prepared, actually, but my heart couldn't speak up because the mind was stronger at that time. I guess I really suck in public speaking. I guess we both know that I am not a pleaser, but more of a charmer. WHAT! Kidding aside. I am more of a letter person. I can express what I feel better in written communication.

I really wanted to say, well hello, you're not a kid anymore. Say goodbye to your teenage days. Dahil 18 ka na! Time flies and I can only imagine the first time I saw you, when you were 13 ish or 14 and I really thought you were 18 back then. I bet you are having a great time in Canada, learning and earning money on your own. And I admire you for that.

I sincerely pray for your happiness. I hope you reach your dreams, I may not be able to witness them anymore, but know that I will be cheering you from afar.

5/11/17