Hi

Don't say anything

Just look at me in silence

Our eyes will not be fixated on ground

Let's try not to cry

This is magical, elating yet devastating.

If we learn nothing else from this tragedy

we learn that life is short and there is no time for hate

and it gets better

If you chose to look forward

and It gets colder.

If you chose to mourn.

You can't lose what you never had.

Every ending has a new beginning. 

Fly with me 

Rush Over Me

My LSS for the week. I just recently discovered Illenium and while I was listening to all of his tracks in youtube. I came across to this one striking song. 

For me this is a very emotional track, it' not just a beat. It's not like any other EDM tracks that was meant for you to party and get drunk. But if you are a good listener, It would definitely give chills to any EDM listeners. It is clearly about a couple, whom they love each other very much, however it is very clear that the other one had to say goodbye, and somewhat confused as he/she is begging for one last experience, most likely a sexual encounter or time together. It explains the pains of distance and missing our lovers in a great detail, beautiful lyrics, beautiful beat. I literally felt dreadful. I just want to make a music video out of it. 

So enjoy!  

Seven Lions x Illenium x Said The Sky Feat Haliene

[Pre-Chorus]
Your finger tips, on my skin
There's nothing that, I wouldn't give
To keep this love alive
We gave it all, we give it up
The chemistry, was not enough

Oh we just collide
I hate myself when I say:
"I need tonight just say goodbye
I will give what's left, inside"

[Chorus]
So rush over me one more time
I will miss you, torn apart after tonight
And we can't fix it
Rush over me one more time
The end is coming
Rush over, rush over me
'Cause I will miss you
'Cause I will miss you

Drop]

[Bridge]
Hold on to me now, before we lose this
I keep breaking down, can I do this?
I need tonight to say goodbye, to say goodbye
To say goodbye...
To say goodbye...
To say goodbye

[Drop]

To say goodbye

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

eBERTING is FINE

This week is a very busy week, I can't believe I found time to even blog about it. Well, want to blog tonight, because, well, just because. I am so busy I cannot find time to read! I just really wanna reflect how fast things were during the past few weeks. So today was day two of my CPP(Certified Purchasing Professional) class. To cut the story short, I got promoted again! YAY! and the company invested on me by giving me a 4 day training. 

I just wanna thank the Lords for giving me an opportunity to work in MAF(Enova). I am so privileged and humbled by all of the blessings I have been receiving. 

But on the other hand, some people just can't have it all. Some may prosper in their careers and not have a special someone. Someone might be smart, like summa cum laude smart, but their feet stinks like hell. HAHA! trying to make a point here. You gotta look left and right that life is not fair, you have to understand. And because I am single(haha). I am going to write what my heart says. 

-----

Dear Berting 

You are running towards your dreams of being an executive. LOL 

You're doing fine boy, just move forward. Don't look back. Keep yourself busy. 

-Berting3.0

-----

Dear Future Partner

Where art thou? 

Wherever - Whoever you are. I can't wait to spend every single day with you. We'll cook meals everyday. As the kitchen is our favorite part of the house. I would love to cuddle you every single moment, or even kiss you on your forehead. Might as well bite your eyebrows if you're trying to pull away from my hugs. We will talk foolishly while we eat. We can burp and fart around and laugh how bad it smells. 

We'll definitely play video games and see how hustler you are. I'll try to let you beat me in every game just to see you laugh in pure bliss. I will walk with you, hands, entwined, we'll point things that we both find annoying or interesting. We can be very weird with anything and that includes each other, there is no pressure to act a certain way. We just have a little Pluto here on Earth. Is that even possible? Well yeah, because we find ways in anything. 

I really wanna be your fall back, I will listen to every dream you want to achieve. I will always want to see you get what you want. Even that dream is to be with someone else. I will always listen to every rant you say. I will always persuade you, respect you. I will let you cry on me or even shout in glee when needed. 

I will always, love us, on how we can be very comfortable with each other. I'll never get tired of saying how beautiful you are. Because you really are. 

I will try not to stare at you for long. I will try not to be moody because I am usually insecure with all the people you may like. I can act like I do not care but I am usually dying inside. I hope you're good at reading minds, because most of the time I can't even understand myself, so please be patient with me. You can say that I am a badass, but this badass will always look up to you.

But if one day you realize that this love isn't meant for you. I will understand, even if I really don't. Just be honest with me. Then break it to me gently. Give me a proper goodbye. 

Comeback if you still can. Stay even if you don't hear me beg. But I will always love you.

Berting

. 

Clarity.

Love is a serious mental illness.

Is this superficial. Is it just a feeling?

There are times that I feel like I am being blinded by the fact of being in love. Love is so mysterious there are times that I feel like I am in another dimension, acting foolishly, carelessly. I lose myself trying to get away with this continuum.

I just want silence tonight. I am so confused.

I guess I was expecting too much. So let me remind myself not to expect. Just go with the flow.

Finding Comfort

I think it was once a dream. 

I couldn't ask for more.

She mimicked words I longed to hear

Her presence was infectious.

Talking to her was never hard. 

From a far. 

I saw her. I smiled.

My heart cheered. 

All I wanted tonight is our peculiar kind of comfort.

Is it selfish to ask ANYONE to fill this emptiness?

I got used to be alone

and I hate being like this 

Lonely, pathetic

Needy. 

I hope this is just a dream.

I am tired of figuring out solutions

It is not even my problem to begin with 

How do I open dead ends?

When will I get what I need?

How long to I have to wait.

Do I really have to wait?

Who can save me from distress. 

Can I run to you?

Because I find comfort in you.

My head hurts.

My head throbs, it overheats at the moment. I think of the things that could happen before it happens. I like to plan ahead. 

But lately I have been doing a lot of thinking and I feel like I am holding and believing what I know that I deserve. I am blinded by the fact that I have been anticipating a dead end and I have been anxious watching it play out. Hoping and praying for a miracle. I try to contain the fact that I am just waiting for another cycle, looking at my screen, frustrated, breaking, missing, forgiving someone who always let me down. I am tired of caring consistently, mainly because I am tired of expecting and staying up at night as thoughts like this consume me and I can't sleep, my head is pulsating. I feel lonely now. I need somebody to love and hold. But I can't get what I want. And I want it all. I distract myself, again and again. I am only human. Such a selfish human. 

Tempting

I hated going to the dentist. I always felt bankrupt. I always feel that dental care is an unwanted expenditure. But today, was different. Since my insurance doesn't cover dental care, I woke up 6am to be able to get a morning slot in a dental hospital school which you only get to pay 50AED for dental services. This is amazing!

I was waiting to get a morning slot so I can report to work in the afternoon, however I wasn't able to get a morning slot since, there were more people who went earlier than me. Imagine the anxiety of long wait and you being scared to death if you are going to get a root canal.

Around 1:30PM there was this dentist, she welcomed me warmly. She joked and said, was your full name pronounced correctly? I said, yeah. But you may call me July like the month. She was wearing blue contact lenses and spectacles. Her english was perfect. I assume she is Jordanian or Palestenian who was born and raised in UK. IDK. Jeez I could've asked. As we enter a room filled with dental chairs, a couple of doctors and interns. I sat down into her dental chair, whiter than white.

She asked me tons of questions, do you have any records of diseases? allergies? Injections? are you afraid of dentists? I said 8 out of 10, yes, I am afraid of dentists. She said she was afraid as well and she knew she's a dentist too. And the only question I really wanted to hear from her was. What is your number July? :) wink***

I was doubting if she is feeling the same way about me. Wishing hoping she might want to hang out. gaaahd. I tried not to get distracted. While she checked my teeth, my mouth wide-opened and I was trembling a little.

With good intentions, maybe within a few seconds, my good-looking doctor has transformed into pretty lady with a drill in her hands. Again I tried not to breathe hard as she might smell something bad. She says, your teeth are clean. My head goes, why did my tooth filling fell. LOL. This is faith, I am falling. Maybe it is faith that brought us to meet. LOL. Damn it. She again stares at me, I tried to be still as possible, by gripping the arms of the chair. 

"let me know if it hurts"

It doesn't hurt a thing baby. After a few minutes, she told me to use the saliva sucker(idk whats the name of that equipment) like a straw, so there goes my saliva. Flowing. Again she starts to drill and I tried not to stare into his eyes- mesmerizing, deep, so serious, she doesn't have any pimples. Oh, those spectacles looks good on her. 

That dentist has seen my teeth,maybe she saw millions of teeth already and it’s hardly a romantic moment I thought. She was so near my forehead she can almost kiss me. One wrong move and she might drill a hole on my cheek. Still, I stayed, undeterred. As soon as she was done, I tried to gain composition by asking her number. I stared at her, again and again. I felt there was a weird electrifying shindig there. Again my brain goes, ask for her number. Hi Dr Aisha is it possible to see you in a non professional meeting? Say it.. Just say it!

I thanked her, she was so charming, great. I DIDN'T GET HER NUMBER. HUHU. And now I am blogging it. I mean, really. Do you want to go to dinner or coffee date, who half-way through a meal,looks deep into your eyes as you chew, and says ”Babe, spit please, open your mouth wider?" Damn. Was that even sexy? LOL. Nasty. I am not single. But it was tempting. Seriously tempting.