12/27/22

Thank you and bye 2022.









Writing this in advance, as I have not been able to write for days. Today, I looked back over my last entries; I could not remember penning them. Well, you were hard on me too, 2022. I anticipated your arrival as the new clean slate for me to start afresh. I embraced you with naïve hopes and my other year of redemption. 

2020 – Broke me so bad. I never expected that it would crush my heart so mercilessly that I even lost hope in myself. As I welcomed 2021, I prayed so bad and I promised to let you go and move on.

2021 – It was a bit of sunshine, blessings showered. The best thing I ever did was to walk away from the toxic people who are making my world more miserable than it needs to be. I have surrounded myself with good people. Let myself be loved. However, it was so difficult. I tried my best to forgive everyone and everything for the times I spent within confining in my four walls, wondering when it would end. I forgive you for how you broke my heart knowing that somehow, one day, it would all make sense. It was time to be resilient. 

2022 – I am done romancing you. I am so done blaming myself. I am done being stuck in a rut. I want to move on with my life again. I am picking up the pieces left behind. Slowly, surely. I am making a conscious effort to make more self-care into my daily routine. I am trying to eat healthier and even cook healthier, build BETTER connections, and cultivate consistent habits, knowing that a little goes a long way.

I am always looking for the silver lining beneath every dark cloud and grateful for all that I have. I am coping the best I can under the current circumstances and I am so happy with my progress of how far I have come. I made many mistakes too. I guess, you just taught me what really mattered. You made me choose to let go of things that I do not understand either.

2023 – I pray you would be better than this year. More opportunities and blessings to share with good people.

To wrap it up. Here I am saying goodbye to 2022, including the people who disregard and shut off my emotions. People who act like you do not have the right to be sad. I will be stronger. I will be wiser. I will say goodbye to those who always take advantage of my soft heart. I will say goodbye to people who pressure me into doing whatever they believe is best. This is my life. I will save myself and love myself first.

I will ignore all people who give me backhanded compliments and nasty looks. People who made me feel small and inferior. I pray to ultimately live a happy life. I pray that my family is always in a good place. I pray not to be hard on myself that I am just human. I pray to get more peace and healing. I pray that love catches me this time. A love that is so tender and kind. The love that I really deserve. Thank you and bye 2022.

 

12/19/22

Hindi (Song of the WEEK)




Hindi

By: ACE BANZUELO

Hindi ko kayang umibig muliHabang-buhay na lang kitang hihintayin (hihintayin)
Tinatanggi ko ang tadhanaNa kailangang mawala kaHanda ako na ulitinSa'yo at amininNa wala ng ibaMakahihigit paLahat silang maganda
Tila magmagkakamukhaWalang papantay sa'yoTunay kagandahan moBakit iniwan mo akoMay mali ba sa sarili koPaano iisipin'Di mo na'ko kayang tanggapin
Hindi (hindi)Hindi ko kayang umibig muliHabang-buhay na lang kitang hihintayin (hihintayin)
Hindi (hindi)Hindi ko kayang umibig muliHabang-buhay na lang kitang hihintayin (hihintayin)
Ang hirap lang mabuhayNg ganitong mag-isaMaaga na'kong nagisingWalang madali lalo 'pag walang peraDahil minsan na akong naghirapHabang sila nakasakayAko 'yung lumalakad ngIlang kilometro mkauwi lang ng bahayGawin mo 'yon ng ilang taonMagsawa ka ng mag-isaKinaya ko 'yonNgunit bakit ganoon'Di ko alam ang gagawin ngayon
Hindi (hindi)Hindi ko kayang umibig muliHabang-buhay na lang kitang hihintayin (hihintayin)
Hindi (hindi)Hindi ko kayang umibig muliHabang-buhay na lang kitang hihintayin (hihintayin)
Hihintayin hihintayin hihintayin
Sa bawat sandaliNa 'di ko na kapilingPinipilit ko kinakaya koHarapin ang totooNa wala ka naAt wala ng ibaMakapapalit pa sa pangarap natingHabang-buhay magkasama
Hindi (hindi)Hindi ko kayang umibig muliHabang-buhay na lang kitang hihintayin (hihintayin)
Hindi (hindi)Hindi ko kayang umibig muliHabang-buhay na lang kitang hihintayin (hihintayin)
Hihintayin hihintayin hihintayinHihintayin hihintayin hihintayin

12/13/22

If I forgive you, now what?

People say, that when one door closes, another opens. This is what I am feeling right now, blessings are pouring over, me once I finally let go and forgive some parts of me that have been dragging.

But there is only one door that I haven't entirely walked away from, and that's not because I still have feelings for her nor do I still want her.

Every night, I STILL get to think of how hurtful she was. I prayed every day and night. Just to get over all the painful abuse, trauma, and depression she gave me. Oh, how I hate how much I was controlled, manipulated, and cheated. It has been 2 years of trying to forgive her. It has been an emotional ride, forgiving myself and trying to let go of all the things that made me love her, and things that made me hate her. 

I still have it in me, the anger in me. I still have the fire in me to tell her. Sometimes I imagine shouting at her. Telling her how monstrous she was. How? 

"How could you break someone like me who only knew how to love you? If I do forgive you, you're just gonna break my heart and I can no longer handle that! Friends? No way. Either way, I lose I can't love you and I cannot hate you because you keep ruining my life, you ruined my life! I just need to know nothing about you, I need to feel nothing for you.  I needed to not care about you at all. I needed to learn how to do that. So stop connecting. You will never ever hear from me, back off please." 

If ever you crossed my blog, know that I don't ever want you back. Stop acting like you never did anything wrong to me. Stop feeling guilty. Do not ever come back.