Losing the Love for the Game

I think I am having the mini-crisis moment again in deliberating whether to go back in the sport I have played for the past 11 years. Basketball. Losing my love for this game started way back 2008. I found myself lying on a rehabilitation bed in Medical City Ortigas, getting my right knee repaired, I mean fixed. I had a nasty push from another player and I forgot which team and name of the player who pushed me. I just wanted to get over the angst of going back and fort for sports rehab and walk straight. 

On average, my enthusiasm dwindles about once a season, but it always come back. Wondering if this time it would be different. Can I still run like I used to? Can I still see open plays? Be a Point Guard, shoot 3 points. It all went gone. Zilch, the skills, the dribbling, the nasty passes.

The highlight of my time was during high school, I can recall how I saw my Dad supported me. He watched and cheered from a far. He saw the peak of my basketball career. 

Until college hoops, came, I was able to get through, I had a chance to play for MC. I’ve lost my head a thousand times on the court, and what’s more funny is that I hated my team mates, mainly for reasons that I don’t give a damn. I just wanted to play, I have experienced feeling alienated and always proving myself that I am a great team mate. I walked around and played half-heartedly. Sometimes I feel over animated. I wasn't given the same opportunity in college hoops, I didn't have the chance to play and enjoy. I was a 2nd stringer or the last minute player in 4th quarter. 

I'd like to think that I didn't have the attitude problem, and they all have inferiority complex. Beyond that, training season back then was enough to ruin my day, seeing my team mates hoard for the ball, and intentionally bullies you inside your home court. It was a dreadful experience fighting for acceptance. 

It was pathetic. Stupid. But I never lost my cool, maybe I was just physically incapable of playing for fun that time, and college hoops was indeed stressful. Until I got hurt, badly injured, 

I am a silent competitive person, I am pretty serious and sometimes I struggle. Because I hate losing and I hate being under performing. But at my age, I find myself as a mediocre player. And it is totally fine, because I do not have any ambition to make it a career. Well I used to think I could make a career out of it. 

Hanging up my basketball shoes, I've done this a couple of times already. I am playing now for fun, I don't practice and I don't even want to play for more than 5 mins on court. As much as I love the sport, I refuse to give all my time on it. I know in a way quitting would be averting and working my way back would be a complete hiatus. But it seems to be a healthy compromise. I just don't care. Let's have fun!