NEO took the wrong pill?

In the movie Matrix, I remember NEO had a choice to take the red pill or the blue pill. The lesson here is to chose wisely.

I am sorry, self, I have been giving you stress. I have noticed the similarities long ago, I just kept quiet and it scares me. I thought of running away from it, a couple of times. It makes me unhappy to be honest. How dysfunctional It can turn out in time. How I am putting myself into a cycle that I am not built for. I brought myself into an imperfectly imperfect situation.

I have been asking myself, is this really working or I am just fooling myself?

I feel sorry while writing this. I wan't someone to fill this emptiness, can somebody fill sands to these bumps. I can't help but feel needy. I can't help but feel sorry. I am so sorry, self.

I am deep shit, maybe, I did took the wrong pill. I was suppose to feel happy today, But as usual, when drama happens the saga continues. I am tired of this shit. I know, my intuition is great. I am so sorry self. I am.