9/22/12

heartDATE

My best buddy Des and I went to the dentist last week. Upon entering the clinic, the doctor, our family friend asked me

"Asan yung maganda?"

"Ako? Wow Thanks Doc!" I was completely blank when she was asking. I really thought she was referring to me. So stupid of me.

"No the girl from North Susana"

"Ah wala na kami, gusto ko na ng boy friend." I answered with a half smile.

At the back of my mind, thanks DOC! I haven't thought of her for quite some time and I just want more smiles to come, so please please please have them fixed so I can get a boy friend or something that could make me forget. Spare me from interrogation. Make me smile again.

My mouth was opened for an hour and a half. I smiled. The killer smile is back, I just need to shape up. More boxing class. Try yoga. Try not sleeping for months.

Hundreds of words were at the tip of my tongue. I was driving, I am quite sure my face was turning red, my buddy was beside me. I couldn't hold it anymore. I opened my mouth with some kind of joke at first and then AGAIN I burst into tears. Wow July so much for being strong. I said I wasn't thinking about her anymore, until Doc asked about her and then I realized she is irreplaceable.

My voice was cracking, "Irreplaceable, I know it time the word irreplaceable will be replaceable. Soon. I know what to do"

My buddy got no choice but to listen. I know she's holding things to make it easier for me. It was obvious that she doesn't want me to be over emotional. She is the only friend left that I can confide without any hesitation ever since ex left me. And sometimes, I over think that she will eventually run dry and get tired of listening to me, so I try to manage my tears, fears and rants. She can't be my toilet, my outlet always.

I got scared to be over attached to anyone, I am in the wont-let-anyone-hurt-me stage. I am at the love my self process. I must be selfish.

I am sorry for all the trouble I gave you my buddy. But I am happy that you found "gorgeous", that way I wont be worried when I leave. Sorry for being pushy, cause just like a father I want the best for my son.

So there you are. Wild and free. Happy as a bee. One things for sure she deserves that slap.

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