My heart frowns as my head says I need you so bad.
Loving you gives me a weird cringe.
A questionable cringe my head refuses to internalize.
I love you. yes I do.
Oh yes.
2/23/15
Do You Remember
It was a rainy last night
Missing you is never endingI took you by the handand lead the way
I saw our future by
looking in your eyes
We'll be safe and
I will take you away
from all harm
I will lead you to my place
where I will relieve your pain
The sound of the raindrops
fall as we touch lips
skin to skin running down our bodies
I caress you and your hand was
gliding through my hair
I pause to catch the essence of innocence
So sensual and passionate
we were sharing on my bed
The only thing that can come
between us is the drops of rain
Intimacy being shared under the raindrops
We do this as if we have no shame
I miss you and only you
12/10/14
Random, how to end 2014
Today I realized I am starting fall in love with this City. Dubai, this city welcomed me in my worst state and now I consider myself rising. Like Burj Khalifa! :D
Dubai, has emerged from a deserted place into a global city and a business hub of the persian gulf region. When I was a kid, I thought DUBAI was a country. Well it is a part of UAE and it is not the capital. When I went here my objective was plain simple. That was to move on and be better. I have experience a lot here during my first year of stay. And finally, I think I am in the track for be better.
If only I could take back 4 years ago. I wish I could've chosen a career here, and started from step one. If I did, I wouldn't be insecure for starting all over here for a career. Now that I feel like I am not getting any younger, I aim for better career in few years time. I also see myself grow in this City and I am starting to plan for a life with this city for me and my partner. And I am totally pressuring myself to get her up here and start a new with me. I have been thinking of what to dos and plans. I hope I could set such milestones. I gotta be better. Help me GOD.
Oh and it has been a while Berts. Sorry I haven't updated you. I think my vocabulary is getting zero now. Doncha worry. I am always writing a story in my head.
tick tock
Dubai, has emerged from a deserted place into a global city and a business hub of the persian gulf region. When I was a kid, I thought DUBAI was a country. Well it is a part of UAE and it is not the capital. When I went here my objective was plain simple. That was to move on and be better. I have experience a lot here during my first year of stay. And finally, I think I am in the track for be better.
If only I could take back 4 years ago. I wish I could've chosen a career here, and started from step one. If I did, I wouldn't be insecure for starting all over here for a career. Now that I feel like I am not getting any younger, I aim for better career in few years time. I also see myself grow in this City and I am starting to plan for a life with this city for me and my partner. And I am totally pressuring myself to get her up here and start a new with me. I have been thinking of what to dos and plans. I hope I could set such milestones. I gotta be better. Help me GOD.
Oh and it has been a while Berts. Sorry I haven't updated you. I think my vocabulary is getting zero now. Doncha worry. I am always writing a story in my head.
tick tock
12/3/14
Something to look forward to
2014 is almost over and I want to make the best of the last days of the year. My goal for 2014 was 99% ticked. But I am happy with all of the things happened and will bound to happen. That one percent is still at the back of my mind and nobody knows it but me. Cause I am my own enemy. And even though I closed my night with a sad feeling. I still chose to be happy by doing this blog entry.
I would like to improve myself more on my financial stability. I wasted a lot of money during 2012, it was clearly my downfall and I'd like to think it was meant for me to happen so that I could improve and learn about money. But the thing here is I hate money. It ruins everything. But anyways, I want to save as much as I can to be able to do what I want.
Second, I would like to lose weight. This isn't for the people around. This is for myself, to live longer and to be able to perform goal number 1. Plus health is wealth!
Third, I should be investing on insurance or a condo. I should be able to have my own property. This is a pressure for me. I should own one!
Fourth, I should be able to get my UAE drivers license. I have saved enough for driving schools. I used to think that I shouldn't get one but I think If I need to upgrade on my status here, I need to get one. So maybe after a year or two I could go back on the sales or marketing field and aim for EMIRATES :) Claiming it.
Fifth, make more cakes and earn more. I should be able to make a feasibility study about our cakes and at the same time update the current prices from time to time. I would like to own a shop here. Please lord, guide me in this journey as a business person. I can make this work for the ntn time. One step at a time.
Sixth, be happy and contented in life. It is okay to reward yourself sometimes. It is okay sometimes to reap what you sow.
Seventh, MYMP. Learn Arabic and be fluent in it. I should start looking for Arabic classes. This would help me in my work.
Eight, I honestly couldn't think of anything more. I just want to be happy and have a sense of direction when I wake up in the morning. I will have this entry to be continued. :)
I would like to improve myself more on my financial stability. I wasted a lot of money during 2012, it was clearly my downfall and I'd like to think it was meant for me to happen so that I could improve and learn about money. But the thing here is I hate money. It ruins everything. But anyways, I want to save as much as I can to be able to do what I want.
Second, I would like to lose weight. This isn't for the people around. This is for myself, to live longer and to be able to perform goal number 1. Plus health is wealth!
Third, I should be investing on insurance or a condo. I should be able to have my own property. This is a pressure for me. I should own one!
Fourth, I should be able to get my UAE drivers license. I have saved enough for driving schools. I used to think that I shouldn't get one but I think If I need to upgrade on my status here, I need to get one. So maybe after a year or two I could go back on the sales or marketing field and aim for EMIRATES :) Claiming it.
Fifth, make more cakes and earn more. I should be able to make a feasibility study about our cakes and at the same time update the current prices from time to time. I would like to own a shop here. Please lord, guide me in this journey as a business person. I can make this work for the ntn time. One step at a time.
Sixth, be happy and contented in life. It is okay to reward yourself sometimes. It is okay sometimes to reap what you sow.
Seventh, MYMP. Learn Arabic and be fluent in it. I should start looking for Arabic classes. This would help me in my work.
Eight, I honestly couldn't think of anything more. I just want to be happy and have a sense of direction when I wake up in the morning. I will have this entry to be continued. :)
11/19/14
My Concealer
Pouch bag, small, a pair was given to me. "Wear this when my parents are around". She said in her most serious state. I made fun of it and said why do I have to wear it in front of them? Why? She said you look like a girl when you wear them.
"So when can you start?" he asked me. I was wearing pearls with no make up. I felt happy cause I got the job. I felt sad because I have to cover up everytime I get an interview. The corporate world seems to conceal my identity, as always. HIRED. Day one. As I enter the elevator I immediately wear my pearls, this is showtime. I tend to look and act like a lady for 8 straight hours. After 8 straight hours. I remove them as I walk to the trains.
-----
My Concealer
Conceal me day to day
It is better this way
I don't let them see the real me
I honestly don't want them on me
But I have to, why do I have to
Do I really have to?
Cause I can't let them know
I can't let you know
The real me behind these pearls
Call it acting
Award me as the best actress
I don't intent to fool around
Maybe I am just scared
That you will look at me in disgust
That they will look at me in disgust
In this land where like me is a taboo
Don't even guess who am I
Just look at the pearls
aren't they beautiful?
"So when can you start?" he asked me. I was wearing pearls with no make up. I felt happy cause I got the job. I felt sad because I have to cover up everytime I get an interview. The corporate world seems to conceal my identity, as always. HIRED. Day one. As I enter the elevator I immediately wear my pearls, this is showtime. I tend to look and act like a lady for 8 straight hours. After 8 straight hours. I remove them as I walk to the trains.
-----
My Concealer
Conceal me day to day
It is better this way
I don't let them see the real me
I honestly don't want them on me
But I have to, why do I have to
Do I really have to?
Cause I can't let them know
I can't let you know
The real me behind these pearls
Call it acting
Award me as the best actress
I don't intent to fool around
Maybe I am just scared
That you will look at me in disgust
That they will look at me in disgust
In this land where like me is a taboo
Don't even guess who am I
Just look at the pearls
aren't they beautiful?
LDR Update
I am in a long distance relationship. Like, Dubai to Manila long distance. "May gf ka na?" so I answered yes. Asan na siya?
The situation is very easy, we talk a lot in skype. We exchange text messages. We talk a lot. But as we all know not everyone is on the same boat, there will always be a con from the "unwanted conversation". I feel a sudden discomfort when I encounter such people who either doesn't believe me of being loyal or the idea of long distance at all. Many people tried to destroy this kind of relationship - been there done that! never worked. good luck! Tol ang hirap niyan.
I know. I experience deep sadness sometimes, thinking of what ifs.I know these guys only care about the physical stimulation. But sometimes I wish they could just shut their mouths and be happy for me. I deserve to be happy. So this explains why I became distant to some of my friends. I just don't want to get hurt analyzing the truth. The truth about this kind of relationship.
I'll just stabilize. Relax and dgaf.
DGAF.
The situation is very easy, we talk a lot in skype. We exchange text messages. We talk a lot. But as we all know not everyone is on the same boat, there will always be a con from the "unwanted conversation". I feel a sudden discomfort when I encounter such people who either doesn't believe me of being loyal or the idea of long distance at all. Many people tried to destroy this kind of relationship - been there done that! never worked. good luck! Tol ang hirap niyan.
I know. I experience deep sadness sometimes, thinking of what ifs.I know these guys only care about the physical stimulation. But sometimes I wish they could just shut their mouths and be happy for me. I deserve to be happy. So this explains why I became distant to some of my friends. I just don't want to get hurt analyzing the truth. The truth about this kind of relationship.
I'll just stabilize. Relax and dgaf.
DGAF.
11/9/14
Unicorn Drink
If I could also save time in a bottle
I wish she was here
I'd save every drop
Just to be with her
But all I have is this
bottle of emptiness and despair
helping me Imagine the horizon with her
calm my veins as I swallow this sweet taste
make me eat my pride and cry for being silent
I swear I will make her happy
I hear myself scream
So this drink leads me to her?
then this is such a happy bliss - a happy unicorn drink
frolicking on the floor
tears started falling, I am so sorry.
I need me. You need me.
I need you. You need me.
Me me me me me me.
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