My head is throbbing again.
It’s a familiar kind of pain — one I’ve known too well. Yung parang nag-o-overheat ang nanaman ung right side ng ulo ko, literal. Kanina habang naglalakad ako mag-isa, biglang pumasok sa isip ko: I’ve been here before.
A few years back, I was sitting in a clinic, my head pounding, emotional records written in silence. I even had medical notes about my headaches. Maybe this is Season 4, Episode 37 of my life.
But it’s more than just physical pain.
Masakit talaga ang ulo ko — hindi ito pre menstrual period phase, kasi nasakit din ulo ko bago ako magkaron. Oo, masakit not just sa katawan ko, pero pati sa puso, sa isip, sa kaluluwa. I just wanted everything to stop. The noise. The pressure. The pain. Aba san nang-gagaling ito.
I am not chasing success or recognition. I am chasing peace. I long for security — not the financial kind, but the kind that holds your soul when everything else feels shaky.
I prayed. I cried. I whispered desperate words to Jesus:
Sobrang blessed ko na po, Lord… pero bakit ganito na naman ang nararamdaman ko?
Then there was fear. There was sadness. And yes — that all-too-familiar guest: anxiety.
Parang anino na ayaw akong tantanan. Wag ka na bumalik, I prayed, as I found myself breathless once more.
I didn’t want to go back to that place — the place I fought so hard to leave. The thoughts. The weight. The silent wars behind a smiling face. I just wanted freedom. I wanted to heal.
Jesus. Let me heal again.
Let me go, anxiety.
I’m tired and I am burnout.
That seasons of burnout taught me something important: healing isn’t always loud.Sometimes it looks like drinking a migraine pill and vitamin d3, calcium and bcomplex… Its like quietly giving up for a short moment.. humingang malalim, ipikit ang maga… and it’s sometimes the tears that fall without permission. And its okay. Cry. Sometimes it’s the kind of prayer where you have no words left — just sighs. Hala ano toh… kapoy..
Yes, burnout is normal. But I don’t want to stay here. I won’t park in this place. Still, I accept it. I’m tired.
Burnout is real. Oo, alam kong nabu-burnout nanaman ako. The exhaustion. The expectations. The pressure to always be okay.
And it’s not just about being overworked — it’s about feeling empty even when you’re doing everything right. It’s about being strong for so long, you forget how it feels to just rest. Reset button please? Unwind pending.
But I also want to say this clearly: don’t get me wrong.
My wife has been one of my greatest strengths in this season.
She’s been helping me spiritually, reminding me who I am, and who I belong to. Pushing me back to Jesus. She prays with me, for me — even when I don’t have the strength to. And I’m so, so grateful.
In a time where I often feel lost in my own thoughts, she’s been a lighthouse.
So if you’re in this space too — tired, overwhelmed, questioning — please, let me tell you: find those people to is willing to lift you up. That you are not alone. You are not weak. You are human. Take a deep breath.
Cry if you must. Rest if you need.
You’re allowed to pause.
And when you’re ready — not rushed, not forced — rise again.
Slowly. Gently. Bravely.
Because healing is not a race. It’s a journey. Maaring babalik yan, pagsubok na hindi mo dapat tatambayan.
And even in your exhaustion, you’re doing better than you think.
When ang season finale? Gahh laban lang keep moving…. ❤️ #swallowsmychillpills.
