12/25/17

Thoughts. This Christmas.

Hurt the one who loves you?
Unintentionally hurting the one you love?
Intentionally hurting the one you love?

Don't be a fool.

I think it is a different kind of Karma. Could be a bitter sweet karma

There will come a time that you hurt the one you love, that someone should not be hurt at all. Our weak hearts tend to take the sweetest, the easiest and the one we think we deserve. Still we always they break the kindest heart. Profound love always involves reciprocity.

You believed this person lacks the ability to love you the way you wanted to. Still we choose to love, We risk it all with a weak heart, we chose that unripe feelings. That lack longing weak, lonely heart. A lack of reciprocity-that is, the knowledge that the one you suddenly love does not really love you - is not fully committed, not constant, ideal yet it is painful and could be humiliating. Because being profound is a low blow to your self esteem. Unrequited love, or is it semi unrequited love? It drives you crazy. It involves lies, this person is both source of great happiness and deep sadness. They drag you but you find yourself, being naturally caring. Distracted. You feel so much pain and yet so be in love with the same person causing it. It's an infinite cycle. Addicting, Hurting stupidly hurting. But in love. You love this person, wholeheartedly. Whatever shit is going on you find your heart forgiving and loving this person all over again.


Unintentionally - Was it really great from the very start? was it just a beat that we couldn't resist?
"I don't mean to hurt you." What this is the line running in his/her head. This love maybe uncertain but it is real, both real. Whether it is a feeling or situation wise. Suddenly - the answered prayer isn't exactly what you wished for. It needs to be thought thrice not even twice. This love requires to be wise. Because you can never lose at all. You are not sure if you love them, one of them or even want them.

However maybe one of them can make you feel like home, but you know you can't reciprocate fully or truly. Mainly because this love is too selfish to choose. Maybe because this is not on the priority list. It is a safe alibi. Win or lose. But he or she did not love one of them. He or she was too good for his or her ego. Maybe on of them made him or her feel better in his or her miserable lonely life. This person did not love one of them. Because we don't destroy the people we love. Believe me. You can't fuck off someone you love.

Hurting our beloved one on purpose - this is a series of conflicting perspective. Such as short term and long term perspective. Hurting the loved one can be a last resort which takes to bring whoever can be  dependent, this is what you call the dependency proportion. Hurting the beloved expresses an opposite wish to their partner/husband/wife: the lover's wish for more dependency and attention. this is indeed a common complaint of married men and women. If the lover is strong enough, as the lover might wish to be, it must sustain this measure. And in this world of reciprocation and selfishness - the heart just want it all. This person is a brat - he/she grew up to have everything and not lose anything.

I do not want to have an Oscar for blogging this - I could even write a novel out of it. However hurting the one's beloved is frequent. We all get hurt - whether we choose to hurt the one who loves you, unintentionally hurting the one you love and intentionally hurting the one you love. Therefore love is indeed a serious mental illness. I hope everyone gets to find their sanity this christmas. This isn't my story to divulge. Just pure thoughts.

I love me.