I can't sleep. It's been 6 months since I came here. A lot of things happened and still coping from one of the biggest nightmares I ever had. I know. More time please. It's like a fairy tale turned horror scene and dramatic unicorns. You have no idea what to think of. All you have to do is survival.
Ever since I left MNL I have been very skeptic on things that could hurt me. From kitchenwares to the people I love, I surrounded my self with things to do. Laundry, Clean this that, Jogging, Basketball and I even enrolled myself in a Ballroom Class just to refrain myself from pity partying.
Music helps by the way. To be specific the songs of Linkin Park helped me with my heartaches from despair and acceptance.
I assume that these things happens when you lose trust. I left MNL because I believe I couldn't start a new back there. I left unplanned and being unplanned is no not me. When I came here, I decided to forgive and forget. Forgive myself from being stupid and forget that all of them existed. They don't know the whole story. There will always be another side of the story. It's unfortunate that I wasn't heard and she was more favorable. But then again, there's no use looking back, she's happy now. Let go and let GOD (wow this is so not me).
My career is much better here, it's just that we are few in the office and mistakes are easily seen. I've been drowning myself with work. My colleagues call me boss these days. Because I wan't to be better than before. But when idleness hits me, I keep asking myself what the hell do I want?
A friend told me "babe, nangangayayat ah"
My answer was "walang nag aalaga e"
Ended up teary eyed. The fear of being alone and not wanted is one of that things that worries me. I must keep myself busy. Busy from working 9 to 10 hours and forgetting to eat lunch. This is so July 2k13.
I've dated some, but they all seem to be fake. I was faking as well. I admit not calling back. I know I was just lonely. I am a lonely person. I feel like I've been lonely forever.
My mom is fine. She's been very supportive. She's annoying most of the time. But I am glad she's there.
Dad is ok. He's in Qatar. He's my dad.
Ate is fine with her hubby.
My dogs. I miss them.
I am such a heartless machine now. What have I done. haiyo.
Out.
