Who that kid?

I stumbled upon an old photo of myself—a selfie taken 13 years ago. Short hair, sleeveless top, under 60kg, eyes that held no certainty. I was broken from a great love, unsure of what lay ahead. I remember thinking about signing up as a soldier, or maybe joining theatre, but I didn’t have the courage. I was just… there.

No pressure, no expectations. I was a bum—a healthy bum. I boxed, I blogged, I wandered. I felt talentless, unmotivated, and mentorless. Just me, floating in a space where time passed slowly and quietly. But I was blessed. I had food, shelter, and the freedom to do nothing. That, in itself, was a gift.

Eventually, I made a decision that changed everything: I moved to Dubai with my mother. I didn’t know what I was chasing, but I held onto the idea of “Para kanino ka gumigising?”—For whom do you wake up?

Back then, my relationship with Jesus was distant. I knew He existed, but I didn’t seek Him. Fast forward to 2025, and life has thrown its fair share of challenges, pressures, and wrong turns.

Wrong people, wrong choices, things that were never meant to stay. But through it all, I’ve arrived here—with clarity, with peace, and with joy.

Today, as I look at that photo, I smile. I see someone who didn’t know what was ahead, but kept going anyway. I whisper to her, “I know you did well, self.”

Hugs to that version of me.

I will be stronger than her. I already am.

There were many what ifs, but I don’t dwell. Because one thing is clear: I couldn’t thank Jesus enough for the journey. The good, the bad, the painful, the beautiful. Every moment shaped me. Every detour led me to something better.

Today, I am something. Something stronger. Something wiser. Something more grateful. And I know now that a meaningful relationship with God transformed me—from nothing to something. From wandering to walking with purpose. 

So let me take another selfie. 📸

Villainy Fun Pinoy Movie: Kontrabida Academy

 

Kagabi, I watched Kontrabida Academy on Netflix with my wife. Honestly, hesitant pa ako nung una kasi hindi ko naman kilala yung ibang cast. Medyo na-judge ko pa nga kasi karamihan galing GMA. Pero mali ako—kasi once Eugene Domingo entered the picture, ibang level agad. She carried the film with her wit and timing.

Ang ganda rin kasi nadala niya si Barbie Forteza. Their dynamic was perfect—nakakatawa, nakakabwisit in the best way possible, at super natural. Ang lakas ng chemistry nila, and for Barbie’s first kontrabida role, she nailed it!

Tapos may Jameson Blake pa as the bida-bida. Grabe, ang galing ng portrayal niya—nakakainis in a funny way, pero swak na swak sa story. Ang sarap panoorin kasi hindi siya yung tipong pilit or basta-basta nanglalait lang. This kind of comedy has connect at pinagaralan. May sense, may hugot, at witty yung banat.

What makes this film stand out is not just the comedy, but also the lesson behind it. Minsan sa sobrang kabaitan natin, we resort to being kontrabida in some ways—para lang maprotektahan yung sarili natin. Pero pinakita ni Barbie na being kontrabida can also mean being a bida. Gustong-gusto ko rin yung healing moments and the presence of apologies in the film. Hindi lang puro laugh trip, may puso rin.

At syempre, ang saya kasi kompleto ang tropa dito—may bida, kontrabida, at siyempre may mga extra din na dagdag-kulay sa kwento. 
The movie is full of kontrabida icons we grew up watching, and the humor is fresh and unique. Yung mga linya tulad ng double dutch na sampal at “mama mo” insults (may maths pa pala, haha!) had me laughing so hard.

Overall: Maganda, kakaiba, at sulit panoorin. Eugene Domingo once again proved why she’s one of the best, Barbie Forteza showed depth in her kontrabida role, and Jameson Blake made “bida-bida” hilariously annoying in the best way. This is my type of comedy—smart, funny, healing, and definitely a must-watch. Kudos to the director and all the cast of this movie for bringing something so fresh and entertaining to Filipino cinema. 

Internet come na, dina ko galet.

Last weekend was… different. No internet. No scrolling. No streaming. Just me, my thoughts, and a house that suddenly looked like it needed deep cleaning.

It all started Saturday morning. I woke up expecting the usual — coffee, phone, doomscrolling. But surprise! Our internet was cut off. Thanks to an ongoing dispute with Du (na hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin resolved 😤). I was furious. I felt like they were exploiting customers. Walang warning, walang proper resolution. Just silence and no connection.

So, what now?

I ended up cleaning the house. Like, really cleaning. Yung tipong I discovered things I forgot existed. My partner was busy on her laptop preparing for an online interview scheduled for Sunday. I was hoping Du would fix the issue by then. Spoiler alert: they didn’t.

Sunday came. Still no internet. We went to the mall to distract ourselves. Her interview got rescheduled to Monday. Another twist. It was peaceful, yes — but also incomplete. Parang may kulang. You know that feeling?

Back in the day, we didn’t need the internet. A landline was enough. But now, being disconnected feels like losing a limb. Yet, there was something oddly calming about not holding my phone. Less noise. Less pressure. More presence.

I found myself thinking: What if we don’t really need constant connection? What if this forced solitude is actually a blessing?

But then again… you’re in Dubai. Everything runs online. From bills to work to social life. So yeah, I’m still hoping the internet comes back today. I need it. But I also kinda don’t.

Mixed emotions. Frustrated, yet relaxed. Disconnected, yet blessed.

Burnout Season 4 episode 37

 My head is throbbing again.

It’s a familiar kind of pain — one I’ve known too well. Yung parang nag-o-overheat ang nanaman ung right side ng ulo ko, literal. Kanina habang naglalakad ako mag-isa, biglang pumasok sa isip ko: I’ve been here before. 

A few years back, I was sitting in a clinic, my head pounding, emotional records written in silence. I even had medical notes about my headaches. Maybe this is Season 4, Episode 37 of my life.

But it’s more than just physical pain.

Masakit talaga ang ulo ko — hindi ito pre menstrual period phase, kasi nasakit din ulo ko bago ako magkaron. Oo, masakit not just sa katawan ko, pero pati sa puso, sa isip, sa kaluluwa. I just wanted everything to stop. The noise. The pressure. The pain. Aba san nang-gagaling ito.

I am not chasing success or recognition. I am chasing peace. I long for security — not the financial kind, but the kind that holds your soul when everything else feels shaky.

I prayed. I cried. I whispered desperate words to Jesus:

Sobrang blessed ko na po, Lord… pero bakit ganito na naman ang nararamdaman ko?

Then there was fear. There was sadness. And yes — that all-too-familiar guest: anxiety. 

Parang anino na ayaw akong tantanan. Wag ka na bumalik, I prayed, as I found myself breathless once more.

I didn’t want to go back to that place — the place I fought so hard to leave. The thoughts. The weight. The silent wars behind a smiling face. I just wanted freedom. I wanted to heal.

Jesus. Let me heal again.

Let me go, anxiety.

I’m tired and I am burnout.

That seasons of burnout taught me something important: healing isn’t always loud.Sometimes it looks like drinking a migraine pill and vitamin d3, calcium and bcomplex… Its like quietly giving up for a short moment.. humingang malalim, ipikit ang maga… and it’s sometimes the tears that fall without permission. And its okay. Cry. Sometimes it’s the kind of prayer where you have no words left — just sighs. Hala ano toh… kapoy..

Yes, burnout is normal. But I don’t want to stay here. I won’t park in this place. Still, I accept it. I’m tired. 

Burnout is real. Oo, alam kong nabu-burnout nanaman ako. The exhaustion. The expectations. The pressure to always be okay.

And it’s not just about being overworked — it’s about feeling empty even when you’re doing everything right. It’s about being strong for so long, you forget how it feels to just rest. Reset button please? Unwind pending. 

But I also want to say this clearly: don’t get me wrong.

My wife has been one of my greatest strengths in this season.

She’s been helping me spiritually, reminding me who I am, and who I belong to. Pushing me back to Jesus. She prays with me, for me — even when I don’t have the strength to. And I’m so, so grateful.

In a time where I often feel lost in my own thoughts, she’s been a lighthouse.

So if you’re in this space too — tired, overwhelmed, questioning — please, let me tell you: find those people to is willing to lift you up. That you are not alone. You are not weak. You are human. Take a deep breath.

Cry if you must. Rest if you need.

You’re allowed to pause.

And when you’re ready — not rushed, not forced — rise again.

Slowly. Gently. Bravely.

Because healing is not a race. It’s a journey. Maaring babalik yan, pagsubok na hindi mo dapat tatambayan.

And even in your exhaustion, you’re doing better than you think. 

When ang season finale? Gahh laban lang keep moving…. ❤️ #swallowsmychillpills. 

Part of growing up Mid 30s edition

Cutting ties with someone doesn’t mean I hate them or believe they no longer have a place in my life. Sometimes, it simply means the connection has become too heavy to carry. The peace that once existed is gone, and the relationship no longer feels the same. Whether it’s because things stopped making sense, the bond faded, or trust was broken — walking away can be the healthiest choice for my well-being.

I’ve felt this deeply, especially in moments where I found joy in a group — only to realize I was constantly hoping for something more. I used to overextend myself, trying to hold onto meaning that had already slipped away. But I’ve learned: I can’t keep reaching beyond what’s real. I can’t keep pouring from an empty cup.

If I ever choose to step back, I hope it’s not mistaken for hatred. It’s not resentment. It’s me choosing peace over pain, clarity over confusion. I don’t owe long explanations — this is simply a quiet truth I’ve come to understand. I can’t control how others show up, but I can choose how I protect my space. And sometimes, that means letting go — not out of anger, but out of self-respect and growth.

And hey — if you ever see me in public, feel free to say hello. I’ll always return a smile and a “hi,” maybe even a laugh depending on the weight of our past. No bad blood, just peace.

Life Update: Healing & Moving Forward

I refuse to dwell on the past. I've made a promise to myself—one of healing, and that healing has taken time. It's cost me patience, long nights, breakdowns, and countless prayers. It's been a journey of self-doubt, but also one of immense growth. I've learned so much along the way.

But here's the thing: I won't let the past break me anymore. No one can break me anymore. I've built the strength to stand on my own, and no amount of abuse, judgment, or negativity can touch what I've worked so hard to protect.

I know some might label me as bitter, but the truth is, I'm not bitter. I’m simply guarding the peace I’ve fought for. The peace I’ve prayed for. I’ve worked tirelessly to get to this place—where I can move forward with grace, joy, and strength.

So if anyone feels the need to apologize to me, go on, just go on, that’s fine, but honestly, I don’t need it.

I am so over it. I can't even remember some details. 

I’m focused on the present and future. My connection with Jesus has deepened in ways that words can’t fully describe, and it's from that place of inner peace that I now live. I’m embracing life with gratitude, fighting the lingering traces of anxiety, and reclaiming my freedom.

I’ve learned to protect my peace and remain centered, especially when dealing with those who take it for granted. I’ve realized that it’s not about them—it's about me, my healing, and my growth. I’m here for the life I’m building, and I'm not letting anything—or anyone—stand in the way.

And I feel so incredibly blessed. After everything I’ve been through, the greatest blessing I’ve received is the ability to love deeply again, to be loved, and to have that love returned. Maybe this is what it was all leading to, my own definition of a successful life. I’m just so grateful—so grateful for this chapter, for the love that fills my heart, and for the peace I’ve fought to create.

I am Enough

There’s a quiet kind of power in realizing that you are enough. Not in an arrogant, over-the-top way, but in the deep, unwavering understanding that you are doing your best—and that is enough.

Still, the world has a way of making us question that.

Some people will see you as exceptional, incredible, one of a kind. Others won’t. And that’s okay. You weren’t made to fit into every mold or please every eye.

Sometimes, you fit into a place, a group, a role—yet something feels off. Just because you fit doesn’t mean you belong. And that’s not failure. That’s clarity.

I am enough. Not because someone else says so, not because I meet someone’s impossible expectations, but because I show up. Because I give my best, even when it goes unnoticed.

I won’t measure my worth by someone else’s vision. I won’t shrink myself to fit spaces that don’t truly hold me.

I hope for the best, always. I keep going, always. Because I know I am doing my best.

And even if not everyone sees it, even if not everyone understands—I am damn enough.